Insult Comebacks

At one time or another, everyone has been insulted by siblings, spouses, peers, colleagues, friends or strangers. How you handle the situation will determine how you feel when you walk away from the insult, and how the insulter feels about what he just said. Familiarize yourself with a few funny sayings, or a couple of your best jokes and you can turn a negative into a positive.

How to handle insults

When you get insulted, you can do one of two things: walk away from your insulter or fire back an insult of your own. The former might take the wind out of his sails and the latter could lead to more insults. Depending on the situation, rise above the occasion by remaining quiet, or give your insulter a taste of his own medicine by replying with insult quotes.

Prepare yourself

Only a few people can fire off funny sayings, fitting insult quotes, or funny insults immediately after being insulted. Usually you feel stunned and/or hurt and it isn't until later that you figure out comeback retort. It never hurts to prepare yourself with a few funny sayings that you have memorized. This process requires quick thinking though because hesitation can be fodder for more insults.

Funny jokes

If you know you're going to meet someone who likes insulting people, memorize a few insult comebacks in the form of funny jokes.

  • If you're single and someone makes fun of you for sleeping alone, come back with, "Thanks to bedbugs you'll never sleep alone either."
  • If someone is really hurtful, say, "I could just slap you, but animal abuse is against the law."
  • For individuals who get on your nerves with funny insults that are based in sarcasm, tell him to act his age and not his IQ level.

Two-way street

Engaging in insulting quotes generally goes from bad to worse. When people insult you and you say something back, they might have other insulting comebacks too, and so the dance of hurting each other goes on and on. If you remain calm and don't get angry, you can nip the situation in the bud by ignoring the comment without any acknowledgement.

Go for sympathy

Most people feel self-conscious about some part of their body. In most cases, the insulter will know these weak spots and target them. If you can't think of a suitable comeback, look hurt. Those around you will sympathize and might give the insulter a piece of their mind.

Best jokes

If you're in a social setting and jokes are being told, exercise caution. The best jokes have a way of going sour when you tell "blond jokes" and there's a blond present. Everyone has feelings, even good looking blonds. It's rarely a good idea to tell religious, political or health jokes, unless you are intimately knowledgeable about your listeners and know they will not take offense.

Act naive

Insult comebacks don't have to be clever. You can use another strategy by smiling sweetly and saying, "Sorry, I didn't catch that," "Can you repeat that?" or "I'm not familiar with that saying."

Insult quotes are designed to provoke. When you're on the receiving end of serious or funny insults, just laugh. Nothing defuses a situation more than someone who doesn't take offense and can laugh at himself.

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