Funerals offer a chance for loved ones of the deceased to get together and share memories, hope and faith with each other, and to receive emotional support from family and friends. Unfortunately, many people are uncomfortable dealing with the subject of death. The words they utter, which are intended to provide comfort to mourners, often have exactly the opposite effect.

What Not To Say at a Funeral: "Don't Cry."

It hurts to see someone you care about crying. Your first instinct is naturally to try to cheer them up or at least to stop the flow of tears. But crying is a normal response to losing a loved one. It is healing for men, women and children. Rather than encouraging your bereaved friend not to cry, offer a hug, a clasp of the hand or a gentle pat on the shoulder. You do not need to say anything at all. Just be a silent and empathetic witness to the tears.

What Not To Say at a Funeral: "It Was for the Best."

Another common variation of this phrase is, "At least she's not suffering anymore." While it may be perfectly true that the death was a blessing and that the deceased's suffering has ended, most mourners are not ready to look at things from that point of view. Their grief is still too new and raw. Next week, next month or next year, they may be able to look on the bright side. For now, respect the pain they are feeling.

What Not To Say at a Funeral: "Count Your Blessings."

An especially painful variation of this phrase is, "Think of the children (or siblings, or friends, or parent) you have left." People often say things like this to mourners because they are uncomfortable with the vastness of the bereaved person's grief. They want to offer up some positive that will ease the pain and introduce a ray of hope into a desolate situation. Again, it's better to say nothing at all and simply provide a sympathetic presence.

What Not To Say at a Funeral: "It's God's Will."

The secular version of this phrase is, "Everything happens for a reason." While you may believe this to be true, when it comes right down to it, nobody really understands why things happen the way they do or why people have to suffer the loss of loved ones. Allow your loved one to ask these hard questions and discover answers that makes sense to her.

What Not To Say at a Funeral: "I Know Just How You Feel."

Even if you've been through the same type of loss, you don't know just how your bereaved friend feels. Every loss and every grief is unique. It's better to ask than to make assumptions. "When my wife died, I felt really angry at the world. Do you feel angry, too?"

What Not To Say at a Funeral: "Call Me If You Need Anything."

While always well intentioned, this remark puts the burden of reaching out for help on your bereaved friend. Instead, make a specific offer: "I'll call Tuesday to see how you're doing," or "I'll be by to mow your lawn on Saturday if that's okay with you."

Going to the funeral is a great way to help your bereaved friend. But your support will be even more appreciated if you avoid the six phrases not to say at a funeral.