By: Rachel Mork
Grief and loss can take you by surprise, knocking you off your feet. It may feel so overwhelming that you want to numb yourself through substance abuse or tempt you to do things that are self-destructive. It's important to deal with grief and loss head on instead of avoiding it. You may need support as you go through the grieving process, so it is advisable to lean on your network of family and friends, join a support group, or see a therapist.
The following suggestions are intended to help you get through this difficult time:
- Be kind to yourself: While grieving, you may feel unable to perform up to par or emotionally be who other people expect you to be. Be careful in how you talk to yourself, avoiding accusations or criticism. Allow yourself to sleep extra, eat extra and indulge in comforts you might otherwise disparage. Give yourself extra slack if you oversleep or are late or break down in a meeting at work. Remind yourself that you are grieving and you will not be this way forever.
- Expect to feel intense emotions: Your feelings are going to be overwhelming, and they will hit you at times when you don't expect them to. Allow yourself to feel these emotions. If there are people around you when an episode of emotion hits, explain you are grieving and tell them what you need. Do not be afraid to ask for time alone or space. When the feeling passes, thank the person for being supportive. If this person did not respect your request, explain how it made you feel that he or she did not listen to you. It's important to prioritize your emotional health at this time.
- Don't expect other people to understand: Grief is individual. Your experience may be very different that those around you. Because grief makes people uncomfortable, they may try to comfort you in ways that are not helpful. Many people will say reassuring things that may feel like dismissals of the intensity of your grief. They may expect you to get over your grief quickly or to participate in events you do not feel up to participating in. You will need to let insensitive people who say or do these things know what you need and ask them to let you deal with your loss in your own way. Do not let other people push you into anything you feel is counterproductive to your grieving process.
- Recognize if you need help: Join a support group, see a therapist or call a friend if you have thoughts of hurting yourself or others.
