The Bat Mitzvah Ceremony

When Jewish girls are age 12 or 13, many will participate in a Jewish milestone, a Bat Mitzvah ceremony. "Bat Mitzvah" in Hebrew means "daughter of the Commandments." It represents the idea that a girl of this age is old enough to accept the obligation to keep the Commandments as is an adult. Children are not obligated to follow the commandments, for example children don't have to fast on Yom Kippur as adults do. The correct way, albeit less common, to refer to a girl who will have this ceremony is to say she is "Becoming a Bat Mitzvah."

Once the girl has become a Bat Mitzvah, she is obligated as an adult. Becoming a Bat Mitzvah implies a certain level of understanding and responsibility, and is considered an honor. The same ceremony for a boy is called Bar Mitzvah. There are some Jews that do not have Bat Mitzvah ceremonies, as girls and women are not obligated by the same commandments as men are. Orthodox Jews may have a party instead, or else simply not have this ceremony. In strict and ancient Jewish tradition, women are not permitted to read from the Torah in public. In many cases, this has been entirely or partially abandoned. The traditional ritual marking a girl becoming a Bat Mitzvah includes her reading from the Torah in a Torah service in Synagogue. Only Jewish "adults" may read from Torah at a Torah service, so this now recognizes her as ritually an adult.

Nowadays, besides the traditional Jewish ritual and traditional religious ceremony, if there is a Bat Mitzvah, one can expect there will be a celebration of some kind. Here are some suggestions for planning a Bat Mitzvah celebration.

The Ceremony: What and When?
The girl becoming a Bat Mitzvah will be reading from Torah (most likely), and leading some prayers at a Torah Service. She may be also be giving her personal interpretation of her Torah portion in a speech. Although most Bat Mitzvah ceremonies are on Saturday morning, traditionally Torah is also read on Saturday evenings, Monday and Thursday mornings. Some congregations also do Bat Mitzvah services on Friday nights. Follow the traditions of your particular Synagogue in planning a time for the service.

As for fees, some Synagogues have a "Bat Mitzvah fee" which could be a contribution to the Kiddush fund (the pastry after the service), purchase the flowers for decorating the Bimah, or some other associated donation. Be sure to find out ahead of time what your particular Synagogue expects.

The Night Before: Family Dinner (optional event)
Guests who come in from out of town could be invited to a dinner on Friday night (or the night before the ceremony). This is usually casual and not required. It could also just be an informal gathering after dinner, to visit before things get hectic.

After the Ceremony: Lunch
Usually, following the Bat Mitzvah invited guests will attend a celebratory lunch. Plenty Bat Mitzvah party venues offer Kosher meal preparation or caterers they work with, if this is important to you or the majority of your guests. Choose a venue that is appropriate for the number of guests, affordable, and is willing to work with your needs. To reduce costs, consider a separate menu for adults and kids, as kids are usually happy with less expensive foods like pasta or pizza, and adults prefer a more sophisticated menu. Remember that it isn't a wedding, so food can be simple and good. Soups and a plentiful salad bar, with fruits, muffins, breads, bagels and pastry might be simple and elegant, and yet easy on the budget.

Some families have the whole party at this lunch event. There may be music playing, or a Bat Mitzvah dj playing dance tunes. Others have an additional nighttime celebration just for the Bat Mitzvah girl's friends- at a skating rink, bowling lane, or party center. Whichever your family may choose, plan to include some type of what we've included below.

• The Key Things and People. Put these on the Bat Mitzvah planning list: Bat Mitzvah party venue, caterer, invitations, Bat Mitzvah photographer, dj or other entertainment, decorations, and Bat Mitzvah party favors (something fun for the guests to take home - a wide variety of ideas are available on the Internet). Be sure to send the Rabbi Clergy and the teacher or person who helped her learn her part for the service invitations. Optional items could include embossed kippot (yarmulkes) with the Bat Mitzvah girl's name and date inside. Depending on your synagogue's traditions, this may or may not be commonplace.
• Food. At the lunch, this was already covered. If having a night party for teen friends, pizza, wings, or other casual food offerings are generally fine.
• Entertainment. Many Bat Mitzvah parties feature a Bat Mitzvah dj playing music and encouraging the guests to dance, interact and play Bat Mitzvah games. What's nice about a dj is any type of music desired can be requested, whether Klezmer or popular, the only limit is the dj's library.
• A tribute. Include time during the party to give a tribute of some kind to the Bat Mitzvah girl. This could be anything from a speech about how proud you are of her, and time for her to thank everyone for being important in her life, to a slide show or video showing pictures of her growing up. This is her day, a big accomplishment, and a beautiful rite of passage, so a tribute helps keep it special and appropriate to the occasion.

Finally, remember that the day is a Jewish milestone, and not a need to show off, or overdo a party. It's a celebration of taking on Jewish responsibility. Don't let it become a huge overblown affair that overshadows the reason for the occasion.