One of the most important rules reguarding tea etiquette is to always make sure you are on time for the tea. Be there as close to the time given as possible. Even being early is not good etiquette. The hostess is most likely trying to get everything looking perfect - lighting the candles, putting on the music, etc - for the guests to arrive in the last fifteen minutes.
Rule #1 - Never be Late
Being late for anything is never good - a few minutes late is sometimes unavoidable. If you are going to be over five to ten minutes late, you need to call your hostess and let her know. It is also etiquette to ask and make sure you are still welcome, even if you are going to be late. Most likely you will be welcomed with open arms, but it is still good manners to ask. Also, be sure to tell your hostess to start festivities without you, you'll be there as soon as you can.
Once you get there, no matter what time - hopefully on time- Make sure you are smiling when you are greeted at the door. Say your hellos and while handing your hostess gift to the hostess, thank her for inviting you. If you did end up calling due to lateness, again offer your apologies.
When in the door always say hello to everyone, whether or not you know them. It doesn't matter if you are shy or not, try not to go in a corner and become a wall flower.
Rule #2 Remember Your Table Manners
When sitting at the table, make sure that you don't start eating until everyone has gotten their food. You may sip your tea quietly while you wait.
Speaking of sipping tea, let's look at how you actually treat your tea.
Sometimes, at a tea, the hostess serves the tea by having a choice of individual tea bags to pick from. Then there are those who do it by brewing the tea in the pot and serving it the good old-fashioned way. Either way is fine.
When offered to pick from a variety of tea bags, don't take too much time - others are waiting. Your best bet is to pick something that you are familiar with. If you want to try something new, make it your second cup of tea.
Rule #3 If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it.
Never say, "Yuck! I don't like this!" You can kindly excuse yourself from the table, go to the kitchen, and dump the tea down the sink. If someone asks what you're doing you can simply reply that your tea got cold, or if you know the person well you can quietly tell her that you just didn't care for the tea much.
Rule #4 - Have fun fixing your tea like the Europeans
Let us get back to when you are served your tea. The correct way of fixing your tea is putting your sugar and cream in first - and the tea bag if that is the way the hostess is serving. The hot water or tea is then poured over the sugar and cream. It is okay to omit these if you do not care for sugar and/or cream in your tea.
If you care for lemon in your tea, wait for the tea (or water) to be poured. You will then squeeze the lemon juice in the tea and lay the lemon wedge on the side of your saucer. Never lay anything you have picked up on the table; even your silverware. When you use your spoon to stir your tea, put it on the side of the saucer also.
Rule #5 - Know where to place your "dirty" silverware.
This silverware rule goes for the whole teatime. With any silverware, once you lift it off the table you must lay it back down onto the plate, "dirty" silverware should never touch the table.
One wives tale I must tell you about, and that is the pinky story. You do not have to stick your pinky out to sip your tea. This, actually, is not good etiquette. Though sometimes, it is natural for your pinky to go away from the cup and that is okay.
Rule #6 - Watch Your Helpings
Taking a few steps back, let's talk about food. You heard me…food. The foods at teas are always delicious. It is hard to resist not filling your plate till the food is practically cascading off the plate. The correct etiquette is to try everything, but just a little of it. If it is already in serving sizes - only take one. If it is something that is served by spoon, only take a level spoonful. Do not take seconds - unless the hostess insists. This is the time where we really should act like a lady; it's fun!
Rule #7 - Be Yourself
Some, if not most, teas have conversation time in another room after the meal part of the tea. Make sure you act yourself. Don't be shy and quiet or extroverted and loud if you're not. Do keep your manners like you would anywhere else. Speak in turn, don't interrupt and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.
Rule# 8 - Don't Overstay Your Welcome
Try to be aware and respectful of the time. Most teas are around two hours long. This usually depends on the size and type of tea. Some invitations have stated when it should end. However, know when the most mannerly time to exit is.
You definitely don't want to leave while someone is entertaining (speaker, musician or sharing time.) Use your best judgment. Remember the oldest rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. When everything seems to be finished and things are quieted down, make a pleasant exit. Go to the hostess and thank her for the wonderful tea and excuse yourself. There is nothing worse than someone who lingers while the dear hostess is getting tired from all her hard work and is thinking about still having to clean up after everyone leaves.
Rule #9 The Day After the Tea
Make sure that you send the hostess a thank you note in the snail mail for a great time. Please don't send her an email. Be personal, she has been very personal with you by sharing her time, place and the comfort of tea.
 | Revive the lost art of afternoon tea parties through the history of the British practice, delicious recipes and teatime manners. |
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Has your daughter been hosting elaborate tea parties with her favorite stuffed animals? You can turn her imaginary parties into reality by planning a tea party for her next birthday. By inviting her friends and asking them to bring their stuffed pals, she will be able to have the real-life tea party she's always dreamed of. |
Try these ideas or use them as inspiration to create tea party favors that are elegant, kid-friendly and affordable. |
