For adopted children, finding birth parents is a natural part of completing the self-discovery phase of personality development. However, just having a desire to find your birth parents is not enough to ensure a successful outcome. While joyous reunions with birth parents are celebrated in the media, they are actually very rare.

Before you set out to find your birth parents, you need to understand the pros and cons of this journey, as they will impact not only your life, but the lives of your adopted family and your birth family.

Pros of Finding Birth Parents
In some cases, medical conditions may necessitate finding birth parents or other blood relatives. For example, an adopted child may need a bone marrow transplant or have a medical condition that doctors can't figure out; family histories can help them pinpoint the problem. Even if identifying information isn't found, many states, including Hawaii, Minnesota and Kansas, will provide an adult who was adopted with limited access to his original birth certificate, and in some cases even his birth parents' medical histories (Cornell).

Finding birth parents can also help an adoptee figure out where he came from and what events led to his being put up for adoption. Finding these answers can be very gratifying, or at least satisfying for the adopted child, even when the answers are hard to hear. It can provide the adopted child with closure.

The most sought after benefit from finding birth parents is the coveted happy ending where everyone is joyfully reunited. While this type of reunion is rare, it does happen. In the event that birth parents are found, there are steps that you can take to improve the chances of a positive reunion. These include having realistic expectations, working with a therapist beforehand, taking things slow, establishing personal boundaries and limits for your relationship with your birth parents and giving everyone involved, including yourself, your adopted family and your birth family, time to adjust to the concept of the new relationship.

Cons of Finding Birth Parents
According to many studies on adopted children and birth parents, including one conducted by Cornel University, the prognosis for this type of search is dismal. First, it is very difficult to gain access to adoption records and even to your original birth certificate if you were adopted. Only a few states, including Minneapolis, Kansas and Hawaii, allow open access to adoption records. Some states, including Illinois, now provide nonidentifying information and the ability to initiate or refuse contact through Web sites. Most states, however, keep adoption and birth records sealed. It takes a court order to get the information, and in many cases you will need show good cause for your request, such as a medical problem. 

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