Parents can keep sibling rivalries to a minimum and help their children get along by knowing the causes of sibling rivalry and taking steps to reduce it.

Some kids are lucky enough to be friends with their brothers and sisters, but it’s quite common for children to fight with, compete with and be jealous of their siblings.

Sibling rivalry can range from a big brother teasing his little sister to more overt violent fighting.

Causes of Sibling Rivalry

• Children wanting to get equal time and attention from their parents. Particularly when a new baby arrives in a family, children become protective of their relationship with their parents and begin to closely measure the differences in how parents treat them.
• Children who are bored, tired, hungry or stressed. These situations cause children to start fights.
• Children who actually want the attention of a sibling, but don’t know how else to get it other than by picking a fight.
• Parents who overtly treat one child differently than another.
• Parents who compare children and their behaviors. Saying, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Jeffrey wouldn’t have done this” is damaging to a child’s self esteem and may cause a child to become resentful of a sibling.
• Children who don’t know any other way to solve conflicts other than by fighting.
• Families that don’t share enjoyable times together often enough.
• Parents who don’t give enough attention to the children because of stress.
• Children who are competing to define who they are as individuals and wanting to show how different and separate they are from their siblings.

What Parents Can Do To Reduce Sibling Rivalry

• Never compare your children. 
• Don’t label them, stereotype them or pigeonhole them. Let them be themselves.
• Don’t play favorites and try to be attentive to how you’re treating each of your children.  Parents sometimes don’t realize they’re treating one child differently from another. At the same time, explain to your children that being fair is sometimes not equal. Tell them you’ll do your best to meet their individual needs and be fair.
• Don’t pit your children against one another. Keep the competition between kids to a minimum.
• Don’t take sides in arguments between your children. Don’t appear amused or flattered when children vie for your attention.
• Teach your children positive ways to get attention and interact with one another.
• Be aware of patterns in which conflicts occur and plan a change of routine to help your children get along with each other.
• Encourage quality family time by planning fun activities. When family members have fun together, they are less likely to have conflicts later.
• Make sure each of your children has enough time and space of his own. Children who have their own personal toys and friends that they don’t have to share with a sibling will be more confident and less threatened.
• Set aside some one-on-one time with each of your children.
• Praise and reward your children when they play well together.