Signs and Effects of Bullying

There are some serious long-term effects of bullying that parents need to understand. The idea that bullying is a phase that kids go through, or simply a normal part of growing up, is a dangerous and outmoded concept. Bullies can do real physcial and psychological damage to your child and to your relationship with your child if you aren't willing to help him find a solution to the problem.

What Is Bullying?
Bullying can take the form of physical, verbal, or psychological threats. It is an expression of control and power, often done to compensate for a lack of self esteem on the part of the bully. It results in the victim feeling powerless, depressed and angry. Once the domain of the schoolyard, Internet bullying now extends the bully's reach into your home.

There are many degrees of bullying, making it difficult to detect in some situations. Teen girls may silently exclude another girl, being wordlessly rude and hurtful just through mannerisms. Stealing another child's belongings is also a form of bullying, as are threats and spreading rumors. Users of computers and cell phones are able to put each other down without teachers or parents witnessing it.

In most cases, a single individual or a small group chooses a person to harass. The victim is usually someone smaller or less able to defend himself. In most cases, there's no conflict or disagreement that instigates bullying; a bully simply picks someone who appears vulnerable and starts intimidating that person.

Signs of Bullying
Victims are often reluctant to talk about bullying, because they're afraid of appearing weak in their parents' eyes. This makes it important for parents to keep a close eye out for sudden changes in your child's behavior. These signs include withdrawal, a sudden drop in grades, a reluctance to go to school, staying away from kids who were formerly friends, self-depricating talk, frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches, crying episodes and unexplained bruises. Bullying can begin at any time, but the harassment more likely to occur at the start of a new school year or when class schedules change.

If you notice shifts in your child's normal behavior, it is time to talk to him and get some help. Start by talking to teachers and the school principal, to make them aware of the problem. In some cases, removing your child from certain classes or making the staff aware of the bullying is enough to stop the problem. If the bullying continues, don't hesitate to involve the school committee or local law enforcement.

Long-Term Effects of Bullying
Bullies create a constant fear in their victims. This anxiety can make it harder for kids to concentrate on schoolwork. In extreme cases, bullies can crush a child's self-esteem, leading to depression, thoughts of suicide or drug and alcohol abuse.

Remember that kids look to their parents for protection and advice. While you may think it will toughen your child up to deal with her own conflicts, the reality is that bullies rely on physical superiority or strength in numbers to prevent their victims from fighting back. A refusal to get involved on your part will leave your child feeling alone and helpless, which could cause significant problems trusting people and forming relationships for the rest of her life.