By: Alice Langholt
With the potential for long-term psychological damage to both victim and the bully, figuring out how to stop bullying is of paramount importance. Despite the efforts of many schools to stop bullying, it still may affect as many as one out of every four of students. It is a widespread problem, dealt with in most every school on some level.
What Parents Can Do
- Keep the door open for communication. Talk to your child about what is going on in school, with friends and with classmates. Have frequent conversations and observe your child's emotional state, his words about his friends, his feelings about school and the way he talks about himself. These are all signs to observe for lowered self-esteem and depression that can come from being bullied.
- Listen. Do not judge your child if she is being bullied. Do not tell her to stand up for herself, or otherwise imply that she is the cause of the problem. She needs you to listen and be empathetic. You'll take action after you get the facts straight, and that may take some investigation. Start with giving your child non-judgmental attention and get information without probing. The more you can quietly listen, the more information will be offered as your child feels your support.
- Teach your child some responses. Help your child know how to appropriately deal with the bully the next time. These can include ignoring, telling a teacher and standing up for himself as applicable. Your child should not be told to fight, or to take it and walk away. These responses make the problem worse.
- Talk to your child's teachers. Find out if this is happening in the classroom, if the teacher has observed any tense interactions and what is being done to stop bullies. If the teacher does not know, insist that he or she observe your child's behavior around peers. Give specifics as much as possible to help the teacher understand the extent of the problem. Stay in touch with the teacher, and be involved. If you do not get satisfaction from the teacher, you should not stop there.
- Talk to the principal or school counselor. Find out the school's policy and procedures for bullying, and then follow through with the necessary steps to solve the problem. If your child is being bullied, chances are high that other kids are too.
- Try to avoid approaching the bully's parents directly, and do not go to the bully yourself. These are unwise. The parents of the alleged bully may react angrily or defensively, which could make the problem worse. Addressing the child yourself may be tempting, but it will likely result in retaliation against your child. The more professionally this is handled, the better for all concerned.
If you don't get satisfaction, other resources you have include taking your concerns to the school board, other parents, community agencies that support victims of violence and the police. As a parent, it's your job to be an advocate for your child. Keep pushing until you get the help your child needs to feel safe.
