As your teen grows older and starts to find an interest in boys and girls, the prospect of dating looms, and all parents must ask whether their children are in danger.
Teen dating violence is an alarming common occurrence. Dating violence involves one partner perpetrating or threatening an act of violence against the other. Very often, the abusive partner is attempting to assert control over the other, encompassing a wide range of types of abuse, from sexual assault to social sabotage or stalking. Some parents may believe that at such a young age, the issue of teen dating violence is not something that needs to be considered, but the facts suggest otherwise.
How common is teen dating abuse?
A study carried out at Boston University School of Public Health in 2008 indicated that around one-fifth of high school students admitted to physically abusing somebody that they had dated. For the study, 1,398 students were interviewed across 22 schools. Nineteen percent of those interviewed admitted abusing somebody they had dated or were having sex with. The study showed a high likelihood for those students to be violent in other ways. Thirty-three percent admitted physically abusing their siblings.
Nearly 10 percent of respondents admitted to kicking, hitting or choking their partner. Just under 18 percent had shoved or slapped their partner, but the abuse wasn't restricted to physical attacks. About 43 percent of those interviewed said that they had verbally insulted their partner, too. Curiously, more girls (27 percent) than boys (10 percent) admitted to dating violence. Parents cannot assume, therefore, that this is an issue faced only by female teens.
How can parents address teen dating abuse?
Elizabeth Miller, the chief of adolescent medicine at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, highlights that parents must start by maintaining open and honest dialogue with their teens. It is important to help teens understand what constitutes a healthy, respectful relationship, both by setting the right example and by talking about what this really means. Ensuring that children do not feel they are to blame if they find themselves in an unhealthy relationship is also important, as is ensuring that parents offer unconditional support throughout any problematic relationship.
Being alert to the warning signs of teen abuse is also critical. While nothing can be taken as direct evidence of an abusive relationship (except witnessing the act), a teen's behavior will often give clues that something is wrong. Abused teens may become quieter and more withdrawn and could seem distracted when spoken to. A sudden shift in or loss of a circle of friends may point to a problem, as could constantly making excuses for the partner. Unexplained scratches or bruises may also point to an abusive relationship, and an abused teen may become angry or irritable when asked how he or she is doing.
While parents should be aware of the issue of teen dating violence, they must understand that forbidding dating is not always going to prevent the issue. A healthy, open approach to relationships, alongside supportive parenting and friendship, can help your teen avoid or step away from an abusive relationship. Remember also that there are plenty of resources available to help parents.
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Smart parents empower their teens to become educated about dating, rather than avoid the entire issue. In their teenage years, your children will be discovering a lot about their bodies and emotions, and as an effective parent, you need to support and guide them through this process to help them avoid making costly mistakes. Some parents may feel that this is smothering their children or interfering in their kids' lives. Other parents, unable to confront the issues, may go into denial and try to ban their teens from dating at all. It is the smart parents who confront the issues, working with their children and empowering them to make the right decisions. Good parents can help protect their teens from these common issues. Pressure to have sex Everybody matures at a different rate and at a different time. For many teens, there is pressure to have sex at an earlier age. Smart parents are aware of the way in which society has progressed and embrace an open, honest and sincere relationship with their teens when it comes to the subject of sex. Empowered, informed and educated teens understand the issues of sex and the associated risks and are in a much better position to make the right decision for themselves. Modern sex education covers a broad range of topics. The crucial factor is ensuring that teens feel in control of what they do, where they do it and whom they do it with. Getting their heart broken Nobody can teach teens how to avoid having their heart broken. Indeed, many would argue that one of life's trials is having your heart broken for the first time, but that doesn't mean teens should be left to deal with such situations without support. Parents should encourage their teens to be respectful and honest with others, and to express their feelings sincerely. Parents should create an environment where their teens think about others, and look after one another in social situations. Of course, this won't guarantee that they won't get their heart broken, but it will ensure that they are respected by their peers and partners, and that they create the right environment to encourage healthy relationships. Helping teens demonstrate the right behavior ensures that they understand what they should expect from others and helps them more easily identify the right people to date. Abusive relationships TEAR (Teens Experiencing Abusive Relationships) reports that one in three teenagers knows a friend who "has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner." This shocking statistic highlights the issue of abuse in teen relationships and illustrates the scale of the problem. Abuse in any relationship is a serious issue, but teens have specific issues due to the changes in their bodies and emotions, and peer pressure to behave in a certain way. Part of the problem with teen abuse is that some teens feel they can't confide in anybody. Smart parents maintain an open dialogue, approaching their teens, taking time to talk honestly and calmly with them, and creating a nonjudgmental, supportive environment. Many teens are simply unaware of the warning signs that may indicate the potential for a boyfriend or girlfriend to be abusive. Parents can provide an objective viewpoint, not by policing their teens' activities but by encouraging them to talk about how they feel. Personal danger The headlines are sometimes dominated by ghastly stories of teen murder or abuse, which may have come about as a result of dating sites and chat rooms. Lured by the promise of somebody who appears to understand them, teens can be very naive about the risks of meeting complete strangers and may enjoy the secrecy of such meetings. Smart parents need to ensure that their children understand the risks of such activity. They can provide practical support (transportation, money, company) as well as moral and emotional support. Above all, good parents ensure that their teens don't feel the need to keep secrets from them and feel their parents can keep them safe. Teen dating is a minefield of emotions and hormones, which may lead to conflict and disharmony in the family household if not carefully managed. Parents cannot bury their head in the sand and ignore what is happening. They should empower their children to make the right decisions by offering limitless love and support. |
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