In today's challenging times, talking about different types of birth control has to take on a new form for it to be welcomed and absorbed by your teen. If you're like most parents, you would love for the topic of sex to stay off your teen's mind until he's grown and married, and you are ready for grandchildren. However, as luck and life would have it, sex and birth control are topics that your teen was most likely introduced to long before you were mentally and emotionally prepared to have The Talk.
You're Not as Lame as You Think
While your teen may have informed you on numerous occasions that your conversation, wardrobe and style of dancing are all quite lame, research indicates that parents are not only role models, but also they are valued information sources for their children. One online survey of teens and mothers of teens ages 14 to 17 found that 63% of teens identified their parents as significant information sources when it came to sex; however, 25% of teens surveyed said that they weren't sure how to initiate dialogue with their parents about the topic.
Sex in Cyberspace
Today's parents cannot afford to wait until they are ready to talk to their teen about sex and birth control. According to Patricia Greenfield, professor of psychology at UCLA and director of the Children's Digital Media Center (CDMC) at UCLA, there exists an "all-pervasive sexualized media environment" in which children are exposed to pornography whether they seek it out or not. Because the information is readily available, many children turn to such sources as the World Wide Web to find answers to questions that they may be embarrassed to ask their parents.
You can send your teen an instant message and inform her of a Web site that you find particularly interesting and informative. Ask her if she is familiar with the site or encourage her to take a look and let you know what she thinks about it. While e-mail and instant messaging may not be your preferred method of communicating with your teen about sensitive matters, it can certainly help to jump-start a conversation in a less intrusive way and provide a reasonably comfortable segue into a subsequent face-to-face discussion. Your teen may be relieved that you took a more modern approach to initiating communication with her and may be more willing to open up to you this way.
Don't Push or Pull
It is important for you as a parent to find out where your teen's head is at when it comes to sex. The best way to do this is to afford him ample time to share his thoughts and views without worrying about whether they are in line with yours. Trying to sway your teen to your side by making him see things from your point of view can prove counterproductive. Accept that your teen has his own thoughts and experiences and that they are likely to be different than yours.
Be a Parent, Not a Preacher
Even if you happen to be a preacher, it's better not to preach to your teen about birth control. You can be the adult and at the same time provide an open and safe atmosphere in which your teen feels relatively comfortable asking questions and sharing her viewpoints.
Whatever you do, don't make the topic a taboo discussion in your home or assume that your morals are the final word on the discussion. Simply saying that birth control is immoral may encourage unprotected sex. Pushing birth control pills to prevent pregnancy won't protect your daughter from HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. As challenging as talking about sex can be, it's a discussion that needs to happen in a frank and open environment.
Let the Professionals Do the Hard Work
While you may be thrilled that you've broken the ice with your teen on the topic of sex, you may also find yourself worrying about how informative you are, and whether you're covering all of the important points. Rather than hoping that you are doing a good job, suggest talking to a doctor or setting up an appointment at a family planning clinic. If your child is vehemently opposed to you being in the room during this discussion, offer to stay in the waiting room. What matters most is that your child gets up-to-date information on the risks associated with sexual activity and different forms of birth control, so that he is equipped to make healthy choices.
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