Talking about abstinence with teenagers is almost always an uncomfortable task for a parent. "Having the talk" is something dreaded by parents and teens alike. But now more than ever, it's important for parents to keep open the lines of communication about sex and abstinence.
Some Tips on How to Talk to Your Teen About Sex and Abstinence
Don't assume that you teen hasn't had any sexual experiences, but also don't assume that he has. If you tell your child, "I know all the kids your age are doing" something, if your child is not, he may feel that he should to meet your norms or expectations. No teen-ager wants to feel like he's very different from his peers. Try to avoid making any assumptions, generalizations or comparisons.
Listen to your teen. Don't interrupt or argue, but make the conversation a two-way street.
Be honest about why you want your child to wait to have sex. Explain that it's OK to have feelings about sex, but that he doesn't have to act on each one.
Give your teen the tools to fight temptation. Tell him that you understand that he might be in situations where he'll feel pressured to have sex. Offer specific solutions, such as calling home, having a friend check in every few minutes, or reminders about goals and standards that he has set for himself.
Avoid asking specific questions that might make your teen feel like he's being cornered or grilled.
Tell your teen that he can always come to you with a dilemma or problem. Give information on contraception and explain the risks and effectiveness.
Never laugh at what your child has to say or make him feel like a comment or question is stupid. Let him know that a conversation with you is always going to be an important priority.
Don't criticize your teen's friends, the music he listens to,or the TV shows and movies he watches. You're not trying to change him; you're trying to help him make good decisions.
Be aware of what your teen and his friends are talking about, reading and watching. Spend some time on the Internet and watching shows they watch. Spending time with teen-agers can help a parent know what is going on with them.
Be willing to talk again. Your teen might be embarrassed and silent during your first conversation. The more talks like this that you have, the more productive they'll be.
When to Talk to Your Teen About Sex and Abstinence
Start early. Start talking to your child about sex, abstinence and sensitive subjects before he is in a serious relationship. Having a similar conversation when the need arises will be easier.
Being available to your teen will naturally leave an opening for a good talk. You don't have to make a production about "having the talk." The more time you spend with your child, the more opportunities you'll find. A lot of parents find that time spent in the car is the perfect time for talks about sensitive subjects, because your teen can avoid eye contact and any uncomfortable drama.
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