Controlling Dads Defined

Controlling fathers can cause great emotional damage to their children by imposing excessive rules and limitations on them. Children have natural instincts, which are part of their identity and personality, and these should be cherished and valued. Many of these behaviors are instinctual and others are learned from watching their parents. 

Controlling dads invalidate a child's natural impulses by specifying too narrowly how a child should behave. Children reared in this way tend to initially try to live up to the father's high standards but realize they can not. As a result, they suffer from anxiety and mood swings and are overly self critical. This leads to low self esteem and a feeling that they can never be good enough. Furthermore they become full of guilt for being who they are and are full of shame because they can never measure up or meet the expectations.

In these judgmental households, it is common for a controlling and judgmental father to criticize their own child for engaging in traits or behaviors the child learned from his controlling father. This can be seen in a scenario where two kids are playing together and one of them wants to control the whole play experience. You have seen this a million times, and when one child does not get his way he becomes judgmental of his play partner and may even criticize him/her. When supervising this play time, the controlling dad will say you can not do that; you must share how you want to play together. Many dads will criticize and act dumbfounded on why the child acts the way he does. Sometimes Fathers and Mothers need to look no further than the mirror.

What Happens To These Kids
When fathers force children to be something they are not, the kids usually develop a false sense of self. These children experience high levels of fear and are often operating in a defensive mode. These kids fear that others may discover what they think about themselves; that they are not good enough. As a result, children from over controlling and judgmental homes exhibit behavior that is dictated by an inner desire to win others' approval, regardless of jeopordizing their own personal values.

The child's desire to please and gain acceptance overrides any aspirations and personal goals they should have developed during natural maturation.This is due to them skipping the normal pases of experimentation and self expression, in order to be what their fathers required or to avoid being criticized. These children usually become very intolerant or dominant with others, often repeating their father's example in their own parental roles. Many of us come from similar families and we need to address these issues before we re-create them.

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