Talking to Kids About Need

More than 12 million children live below the poverty line in America - exposing them to potential homelessness and hunger. Of the approximately 1 million people who go hungry each year in the United States, almost one in five is a child.

As shocking as these numbers are, statistics won't give young children a real sense of connection to families in need. But, depending on their ages, you can begin to teach them about need in America, as well as develop their basic sense of compassion and help them feel connected to their community.

By tailoring your discussion to your child's developmental stage, you will minimize the risk of confusing him with too much or too little information.

• Toddlers don't have the vocabulary to frame big questions about the world or the ability to understand the answers. But you can begin to teach them about caring and compassion by letting them know that you value and expect kindness in your family. You can do this every time you discipline a child by naming the unkind action and the feeling it creates: "It hurts your brother when you hit him. It's not kind. I don't want you to do that." You can also do it when rewarding good behavior: "It was very kind of you to share your toys."
• Preschoolers can't understand a long discussion of the social impact of poverty, but they may understand that some people right in their own community do not have a home, appropriate clothing or enough to eat. You can suggest your child help you buy some things to donate and express your feelings about the situation and state your values: "It makes us sad when people in our community are hungry or don't have a place to live. I want to help those people."
• Early school-age children can begin to see the world from other perspectives, understanding how fortunate they are and that there are other children who don't have enough food to eat. You might ask an 8-year-old what she thinks "basic human needs" are and what it would be like to go without. Burgeoning problem-solvers, 5- to 10-year-olds can contribute to a discussion of what your family can do to help. At the same time, children this age begin to have reality-based fears, and will need realistic explanations of why hunger and homelessness happen, and reassurance that it won't happen to them.
• Preteens are learning more about the world and about themselves. Peer pressure may challenge their empathy, but parents can reiterate the value they place on compassion. Schools may introduce a hunger-awareness curriculum in middle school, but even if they don't, you can ask children this age to consider abstract questions such as what role the community should play in relieving hunger, or what it means to have a home.

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