For some kids, figuring out how to be popular with their peers is something that is a big concern. That's on top of the pressure to do well at school, to keep up on activities and to fit in with peers. What should you do if your child asks you how to be popular?
Does Being Popular Matter?
First, you should find out why your child is asking about being popular. Talk to your child about how things are going at school, and, if you feel it's necessary, speak with her teachers for reassurance. Make sure that there are no issues with bullying. Be on the lookout for changes in your child's behavior, such as changes in school performance, shunning old friends or dropping previously loved activities, which may indicate that she's struggling. Be sure your child isn't trying to change herself in an effort to fit in with the popular clique.
When you talk to your child, do not make light of his desire to be popular. Try to remember just how important this can be to kids. Let him know that you understand and recognize his desire to fit in.
Ask her what appeals to her about the popular kids. Do they go places or do things that other kids don't get to do? Remind your child that the "In Crowd" isn't always the best group to be around, because of the dangers of peer pressure.
A Few Good Friends
Tell your child that it's always better to have a few trusted and reliable friends than to be the center of attention. Remind her that true friends will accept her as she is, and never try to pressure her into changing or doing something that makes her uncomfortable. Talk about what a true friend is, and how to be one. Talk about being kind, helpful and friendly, and about how friends stick together through good times and bad.
Most importantly, make sure your child has a healthy self-image, and plenty of confidence in his abilities. Encourage him to pursue his own interests, and to develop friendships with kids who share those interests.
The truth is that popularity during the school years usually ends with graduation, while good friendships can last a lifetime.
 | School popularity is less of an indicator of success than the ability to have healthy social relationships. If your child is struggling to make friends, there are things you can do together to change the situation. |
 | What is it that makes some kids popular and others, well… not? |
 | You can't influence what everyone thinks of you, but there are some personality traits you can develop that will help you learn how to be popular. |
Occasionally, a child may fail at an attempt, or several attempts to make friends, which leads to a fear of rejection. This fear of rejection makes it very hard for them to form and maintain friendships. |
Is your child prepared for dealing with rejection? As much as we want our children to be loved by everyone, there is inevitably going to come a time when our child is socially rejected. This rejection can come from one specific person, or the rejection can come from a clique. |
