Popular Myths About Popularity

We all remember what it was like to be a teen. One of the popular myths was that popularity meant everything. There were the popular cliques and the not-so-popular cliques. Maybe you were one of the "in" crowd and got invited to all the parties, or maybe you were considered a loner.

Many of us have strong opinions of the teen popularity game, based on our own teenage experiences. Things aren't so different for our kids today. What is it that makes some kids popular and others, well… not? Popularity has more to do with self-confidence and the ability to get along with others than it does with wearing the "right" clothes.

• Popular kids are all mean. While it is true that some popular kids can be unkind, and bullying and name-calling are still common occurrences among teens, those "mean girls" end up with a popularity that is fleeting. It turns out that Grandma was right: You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. True popularity, being well-liked among peers, requires the ability to be a good friend.
• Popular kids follow the crowd. Not necessarily! Kids who are leaders rather than followers tend to be better respected by their peers. A kid who exudes the confidence necessary to make their own choices and follow their own ambitions generally has the confidence to make friends easily, as well. In a lot of cases, it's the kids who ignore trends and create their own style who become popular. 
• Popular kids will be more successful later in life. The unpopular kids have just as good a shot at future success as the popular ones. In fact, many of the people considered to be successful in our society were decidedly unpopular as teens. Ask Bill Gates.
• One good-looking kids are popular. There are many factors that go into whether or not your child will be popular among her peers. While physically attractive people often do have an edge when it comes to popularity, the ability to make friends easily has much more to do with knowing how to interact with peers and having an outgoing personality. Self-confidence and a neat appearance are all that's really required.

Contrary to what many teens believe, popularity isn't always all it's cracked up to be. Being the most popular kid in school can have a heavy price tag. In fact, many kids end up carrying a huge stress load, trying to keep up with the "in" crowd. It is essential that you teach your children to value themselves for their own abilities rather than by whether or not they fit in with the high school elite.

It's far more important to teach your child to build a few really solid friendships that will help him or her weather the storm of adolescence.