How to Explain Stealing to Young Children

When young children are caught stealing, it is often extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing for the parents. No one wants to believe that their child could do something like that, and as a result many parents feel as though they've somehow failed in their parental duties. It is important to note that if your child steals something, it does not necessarily mean that you are a bad parent, nor is he destined for a life of crime. In fact, stealing is a fairly common problem in early childhood.

Young Children Don't Really Steal
Why do children steal? First of all, very young children do not understand the concept of stealing. Before the age of five, children aren't able to distinguish ownership. Young children are self-centered, so if they want something, they feel they have the right to have it. After age five or six, a child may steal something that they really want, even though they know it is wrong. This is because their ability to control their impulses doesn't develop as quickly as their understanding of right and wrong.

Another thing to remember is that it can be quite difficult for young children to distinguish the difference between borrowing and stealing. Explain in clear, simple terms that taking something without permission is never acceptable. Enforce the importance of asking permission to borrow things. Explain that when you borrow something, you must return it. Reinforce this with your own actions; make sure that when you borrow a tool from your neighbor, you point out to your child that you have the owner's permission to use the object, and when you are through, you are going to return it.

Caught Red-Handed
The big question for parents is what to do if your catch your child stealing. Even if your child is too young to understand the concept of stealing, it is, of course, important to let him know that it is not appropriate. For younger children, punishment is not necessary, but do be sure they understand that taking something that is not theirs is unacceptable. Make sure that your child returns the object to its rightful owner and apologizes for his behavior. It is also helpful to try to have your child imagine what it would feel like if someone took something of his without permission. While this may be a bit abstract for very young children, it can be a helpful for kids preschool-aged and older.

While nobody likes to think about his or her child stealing, keep in mind that as uncomfortable as it is, it is a valuable teaching moment and an opportunity to help your child grow and learn.