Questions To Get To Know You

The getting to know you phase of a new relationship can be most fun or be really scary! Which is it for you? It may depend on what you are looking for and your expectations. If you are "shopping" for a steady partner, then you may take the first interview with someone you meet really seriously. If you are just having fun and don't plan to see the new acquaintance again, then the goal is simply banter and sport.

When we meet people, there are multiple parts of the conversation. You talking and them listening; them talking and you listening; and you hearingthe background distractions and interruptions. 

First glance, if you think the other person looks physically acceptable to you and you want to make a good impression, your first impression to them is also critical. Are you able to read their cues? Are they making eye contact with you?  Are they listening to you? Are you listening to them? Once you feel you are in the same page to being a conversation, some of the conversation starters may be helpful.

Relationships begin with knowing each other including thoughts, dreams, hopes, expectations and what drives the other person. All relationships begin with establishing trust.  Trust is bi-directional--you trust me and I trust you. If that first hurdle cannot be overcome, even though you are physically attracted, you may need to re-evaluate your investment in the "getting to know you" phase.

To get to know another person' thoughts, dreams, hopes and what drives them, here are some questions to pose. This may take the form of a face-to-face interview or it could be that you met online and you exchange emails or social networking exchanges. However, be tactful and don't just copy and paste a list into an exchange and ask for a response. Let them roll out a few at a time.  And after the new acquaintance shares, hopefully they will want to hear your view on each question as well and will indeed listen to what is in your heart.

  • What makes you happy or sad?
  • How do you overcome sadness?
  • Do you have a pet peeve or something that really bugs you?  What is it?
  • What is important to you?
  • How do you define success?
  • What are you most proud of in your life?
  • What really charges you up, makes you excited, makes you happy and makes you feel passionate?
  • What do you think is your personal strength?
  • If you had to name a weakness in yourself what would it be?

Relationships take time to become strong. If the development trust is the ground floor (like in a building) it is the foundation and most be built to be strong. 

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