Dating: Identifying a Player

Great dating experiences can quickly turn to disaster if your date turns out to be very different from how he first seemed. Understanding how men operate is almost a science in itself. But if you're going to spend time dating, it pays to learn how to spot certain types of people. When you're dating, identifying a player is at the top of the list.

The Player

You've likely heard people refer to a guy as a "player," but unless you've had firsthand experience with one, you may not know what the term actually means. A player, as the name suggests, refers to somebody who is playing games with you. He probably comes across as a really nice, considerate guy, when in fact he's nothing of the sort. He may well be dating other people behind your back or lying about his social and financial status just to impress you. You may think you have a great connection, when the truth is that the relationship probably never had a future. Players are time-wasters and should be avoided if you're serious about finding a proper partner.

The approach

A player will most likely pride himself on his pick-up lines. He's probably very good-looking, charming and flattering. In a bar or club, or even online, the player will be very complimentary. He may say sweet things about the way you look. He will probably make the point that he found himself unable to avoid speaking to you, approaching you or making the first move online. That all probably sounds good, but instinctively, it should feel wrong. He may be too attentive. If you are in a bar, his approach may invade your body space. He will likely also be too confident. These are the early signs that the guy you just met is a player.


The player knows he needs to look good to grab a woman's attention. Whether online or in person, he will be immaculate. His grooming patterns will be exhaustive, from his teeth and skin to his nails and hair. He will likely be dressed impeccably, too, and he may wear designer accessories with the goal to impress. The look will largely be contrived. While you are more likely to be attracted to a man who makes an effort, a player often goes to the extreme. If no detail is left to chance, the man you are talking to could be a player.

Body language

Body language can be difficult to decipher, and a player is likely to give mixed signals. While guys generally puff up and look as though they want to impress you, the player works it perhaps a little too hard. Watch for him catching eyes around the room. He won't want to miss a single opportunity in case things don't work out with you. He may look at himself in the mirror a lot, and he won't have a shred of nervousness or humility. The player acts as though you owe it to him to go out with him, and there's nothing natural about the way he smiles at you.


The player may ask questions, but he won't really be interested in you. He will try to dominate the conversation to keep it focused on subjects he can talk about at length (his life, his work and so on). If you ask the player questions that are anything more than superficial, you will probably find he crumbles and falters. Ask him what he's looking for in a relationship. Ask him why he approached you. Ask him what he wants from life right now. A sensible, honest guy will find sensible, honest answers to those questions.

Life with the player

A player may as well be known as Mr. Unreliable. He will frequently miss dates or appointments without any warning. His movements will be strange. He will call you at odd times or from different numbers, and he will have one excuse after another. Chances are good that you aren't the only girl in the player's life, but he likes the idea of having more than one of you on the line.

If things don't seem right or just don't add up, then it's likely the guy you are dating is a player.

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