Everyone loves a good compliment-even guys. And the key to a good compliment is making it stick. With the help of two doctors (both relationship experts, not, like, two veterinarians or something), we've come up with a solid list of do's and don'ts to remember when sending some flattery a man's way. Take heed, and you'll earn brownie points-and you might even make him blush.
DON'T Be Impressed by His Job; DO Notice How Well He Does It
While you might think drooling over his job title or salary is a great way to make him feel worthwhile, expressing your interest in a guy's career by saying, "Wow! That's a lot of zeroes after that dollar sign" is about as subtle as wearing a miner's helmet and carrying a pickaxe. It screams gold-digger. Instead, let him know that you're a fan of how well he does what he does. "Guys want women to notice how successful they are, but not necessarily how much they make," says Scott Kudia, Ph.D., author of If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? "It's always better to recognize the passion that exists within a man, rather than what he actually does or how much he makes," agrees Allen Berger, Ph. D., author of Love Secrets Revealed. "Recognize his commitment to excellence or the tenacity he's had in following his dream, and he'll be grateful."
DON'T Say You Like His Shirt, DO Say You Like How He Looks in It
"All guys like to hear that they look good," explains Dr. Kudia. "It boosts their self-esteem. It also gives them an air of superiority over other guys." But, since most guys aren't intensely into fashion, how do you make a compliment stick? "The more personal, the better," says Dr. Berger. "-That's a great shirt' says nothing about how the person making the compliment feels. -I like how you look in that shirt,' on the other hand, makes the compliment more personal, and more meaningful." And remember, complimenting his nice clothes is the first step in getting him to toss those not-so-nice clothes-like that REO Speedwagon shirt with the salsa stains on it.
DO Tell Him When You Like His Friends…
True, they may reek of stale Fritos and still have face paint residue on their chins from the game last weekend, but they're his friends. And, it's important for him to know what you think of them. "Try to recognize what he likes about his friends, and then reflect it back to him," says Dr. Berger. "Let him know that you see what makes these friendships important to him." Say something like, "I see what you mean about Dave's sense of humor. He's so funny. You're lucky to have been roommates in college and still stay so close." And, remember to compliment him in front of his friends. That'll re-assure the fact that you only have eyes for him." Plus, it'll give his pals plenty of reasons to wish they had a girl like you.
DON'T Just Laugh to Show You Think He's Funny…
Granted, laughing is simple, universal, and can help you burn calories, but there are better ways to let him know how much you appreciate his sense of humor. "Fire the humor back at him," suggests Dr. Kudia. "If you can hold your own when the sarcasm starts flying, you'll be able to compliment him by saying how great it is to meet someone with the same sense of humor," versus just guffawing like a studio audience member at a sitcom taping.
DO Praise His Manners…
Think chivalry is dead? While it may be on track for a visit to the ER, chivalry is not beyond saving with the right reinforcement. "Keep it personal and specific," recommends Dr. Berger. "Say, -When you pulled out the chair for me at dinner, I felt really special. Thank you." And, while you're at it, there's no harm in giving his ego a deserved stroke. "It's always nice for a guy to hear how much better he is than all the other guys out there," says Dr. Kudia. "So tell him, -I really like how courteous you are. You're one of the few men on the planet that really gets how important that is to a woman,' or, -You're so much classier than most guys.'" Before you know it, he'll be opening doors left and right. But joking aside, you'll make him feel like a debonair gentleman, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that…
Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and WWE Magazine.
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