Watch Out for Insecure Men

So you didn't see it coming? Think back. Yes, then. When he had that little jealous fit after three weeks of dating, when you felt suddenly that you couldn't hang with your best friendboy Michael for the simple reason that he was male? You thought about ending it right then; "no one comes between my friends and me..." but you didn't. You gave it another chance. He admitted that he was insecure, and you went on, creating a relationship and certain inside that he would become secure. He'd already exhibited progress in the admission.

But today, a few months later he's asking you to discontinue friendships, and you're in love with him so you consider this a necessary possibility. Why cause him pain, after all? You've just had the fateful departure lunch with Michael, but you won't let him go. You tell your best friendboy "you know what? I can't do this." He is relieved. He loves you unconditionally. You are ashamed that you ever sat across the table with the intent of telling a friend goodbye for good.

The early thing that happened was a red flag and you ignored it. They'll come in all shapes and sizes, but the red flag of insecurity is easy to ignore. You might think insecurity is flattering because your partner needs your approval. Then, one day you look in the mirror and realize what you've lost and what has changed, the freedoms that you've given up and the things that have changed. You're not sure you like them. You wonder how you got there, to that place where you were no longer in control of your life.

You go through this a couple of times in life, if you're lucky. It seems that six weeks is a good determining point and a good reference for decision making is the insecure monsters that come out in that period. Realize that they're generally a tenth of what will eventually surface, and you can make your determination from there. That tiny little jealous pout could be indicative of a screaming hyena and that cute little prince could later be revealed to be a king of heartache.

It is that instinctive pang of "something's wrong" that you don't want to listen to because "he's so handsome" or "he's got a really, really good job and we both like to run" but you must. You must, even if you can't define what it is. The instinct is pretty sharp and generally will tell you what is going on even before that six-week period. Just take several moments to be quiet, listen and reflect.

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