A Guide to Understanding Women

There's some truth to the cliché that women and men speak completely different languages. Not understanding women can lead to an argument, or worse, a break up, so it's important to learn how to decipher what she's really saying before you get yourself into a mess. If you're often confused by what the woman in your life says, here's a translation guide for singles.

What are you doing Friday night?

Translation: Are we doing something together Friday night?

It may not even be that she's asking to spend time together, but she wants to know if she can plan a girls' night out or if she should be keeping that most precious time slot open for you. If she asks what you're doing on a particular night, this means you are factoring into her schedule, and therefore you are a priority. Many singles aren't sure how to navigate the confusing territory of how much time to spend with one another, and she may want to discuss that topic. Perhaps she's asking you to communicate with her about your schedule more so she's able to make plans, or she may be asking to see if you'll be spending time together.

Do you have to see your mother/go out with the guys/work this weekend?

Translation: Make me a higher priority than your mother/the guys/work.

When a relationship progresses to a certain point, a woman wants to know she ranks higher than your family commitments, going out with friends or working. Instead of getting defensive about your plans, take this as a signal that she wants to be first priority, and decide if that is acceptable to you. If it's not, you may want to initiate a talk about the level of commitment you are willing to grant her.

Do I look all right in this outfit?

Translation: I'm feeling insecure about my appearance. Tell me I'm beautiful.

Possible translation: This is a new outfit, and I'm not sure if it flatters me or not.

When it comes to dating tips, you need to navigate this ground carefully. All women need reassurance from time to time. A question like this may not be looking for honest feedback; it may be a cry for affirmation. However, if it seems she really does want feedback and if the outfit really does not flatter her, you can say, "It's not you; it's that outfit. You look great in this other dress/skirt/outfit. Maybe you could wear this one again?"

You know photos of models are airbrushed, right?

Translation: I'm insecure because I know I'm not as beautiful/hot/sexy as that model.

Your woman may make several variations of this comment. She may disparage the cheerleaders at a sporting event or sneer at the models on a Victoria's Secret commercial. All of these comments are not meant to spite you for liking to look at them. She's just checking in with you to make sure you think she is attractive enough. The correct answer to this kind of a comment is to reassure her that you think she's gorgeous. Find something that makes you crazy about her, and compliment her, sincerely and genuinely. Disregard the comment about the model or the cheerleader. It's not really about her, anyway.

Isn't that baby cute?

Translation: Do you think you'll want kids someday?

Possible translation: Do you think you'll want to make babies with me someday?

If your woman points out a baby, she's probing to find out if you're open to having children someday. She may already be thinking about a long-term relationship with you and is trying to find out if you are also thinking about having a family someday. Take this cue as the right time to discuss where you stand on children and possibly on the status of your relationship, if necessary.

How long have we been together now? Do you even know?

Translation: I think I'm more serious about this relationship than you are. Are you committed to me, or am I wasting my time with you?

This is the time to clarify how you feel about the relationship. If you are committed to her, reassure her of this, and take this comment as a cue to step up your expression of affection and commitment. If you aren't interested in a long-term relationship, this is a good time to discuss the nature of your relationship and see if your perspective matches hers.

We don't talk like we used to.

Translation: Talk to me. I don't feel close to you. I'm worried about our relationship.

Watch out. This comment means the relationship is in trouble. She may be missing the long talks you had back when you were first getting to know each other and shared many details, or she just may not be feeling special and doesn't know how else to tell you. In any case, this means your relationship needs attention now.

If you are invested in the relationship, instead of getting defensive, assure her you want to be close to her. Tell her you love her, and ask her if there's anything on her mind that she wants to talk about. If she doesn't have anything to say, start thinking of ways to spend time with her and to bond with her emotionally. It might be time to take a vacation together, go visit family together or to invest in a new activity together.

I'm really busy this next week. And next week, too.

Translation: I need some space.

Possible translation: I'm evaluating this relationship.

If your significant other won't commit to another time together and seems too busy to fit you into her schedule, she probably needs a little time to herself. If she seems really noncommittal and isn't returning your phone calls or e-mails promptly, she may be thinking about ending the relationship and is testing how it feels to spend some time without you. Give her the space she needs, and take some time to think about the relationship. Have you been suffocating her? Are there other issues she's brought up that you have not changed? Is there anything you need to communicate about? If you realize you've damaged the relationship somehow, initiate a conversation to repair the rift between you.