The guy you just met is a real catch: smart, funny, handsome… and totally available! You really like him, and based on all the sweet things he tells you, you're pretty sure he likes you, too. Still, it's no secret that some of us guys, at certain points in our lives, are more interested in seeing you naked than getting to know you. That's fine if you feel the same way, but if it's a relationship you want, you're better off arming yourself with some dead-on detection skills. At the risk of foiling many a cad's attempts to love 'em and leave 'em, I've spilled some of their most telltale tactics below. Spot these behaviors, and alarm bells should go off-and you may want to consider moving on to a guy who's more interested in sticking around.
Sign #1: He Only Communicates Via Text Messages or E-Mails
We all know that guys hate talking on the phone, but if you're never hearing the sound of his voice, that could spell trouble. "If I have hung out with a girl a few times and I'm still texting or emailing her, it's just about sex for me," says Jake, 28. Chalk it up to his lack of interest in talking with you-and the ease of technology, a boon for lazy would-be players. He doesn't need to engage in a real conversation-a couple of words here, an emoticon there, and he's in touch with you with a bare minimum of effort. Keeping his communiqués to emails and texts also allows him to steer the conversation towards sex, either subtly or overtly; he can be more forward than he would be in person or over the phone since he won't have to deal with rejection directly.
Sign #2: He Warns You That He's Not Relationship Material
Some guys inform girls about their disinterest in a relationship early on with remarks like "I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet." It can be easy to think he's just being honest and may eventually come around after he's gotten to know you. But don't fall for it. "Some guys always have excuses as to why they can't take the relationship to the next level," says Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart. "But -not now' means -not ever.'" The upfront explanation makes it easier to break it off later. "When I just want sex from a woman, I drop hints that I can't be involved with her in a long-term relationship because my job is my number one priority," says Matt, 31. "Then, when I decide to stop seeing her, I reference the fact that I said it wouldn't work out early on." Bottom line: If he says he's not boyfriend material, know that he means it.
Sign #3: You've Been to the Same Restaurant With Him More Than Once in One Month
Sure, he may say "It's my favorite place," "It's our place," or that he's been craving the eggplant parmesan. As sweet as that may seem, his motives are likely not so romantic. A quality guy will put thought and effort into each of your dates-but a guy who just wants sex will make the weekly Olive Garden dinner a preamble to taking you back to his place (which just happens to be around the corner). Watch out if he keeps meeting you in the same place and doesn't vary from routine, Argov warns. "He's with you at the little Mexican place, but with another girl at the Chinese place the next night and another girl at the sushi place the night after that." He needn't pull out all the stops every date, but beware night after night of the same thing. Says Argov, "A player will go for what's quick, convenient and cheap-just like his intentions."
Sign #4: He Makes Too Many Promises
It would be easy to avoid these guys if they said things like, "I want you to come over and have sex with me-and then disappear." Rather, guys try to woo you with what they think you want to hear. "If all he wants is sex, he'll promise you things you haven't even thought of yet," says Argov. "Men know that by talking about love, fabulous exotic vacations, babies, houses with the white picket fences, women will give up the goods. He's fattening you up for the kill." So if there's lots of talk of big future plans very early in your dates, beware.
Sign #5: He Only Makes Last-Minute, Late-Night Plans to See You
It seems obvious, but sometimes a guy can conceal the real intentions behind a booty call by making it sound innocent enough, citing how he's working late or has dinner plans with friends-but that he really wants to see you. Then comes the clincher: a line like, "Can we meet for a quick drink, or maybe I could just stop by your place on my way home?" Sure, a little impatient enthusiasm is flattering, but if he's truly into you, he'll make plans in advance. Says Argov, "For the guy who's smitten, the anticipation of seeing the woman he likes is as exciting to him as the date itself."
Sign #6: He Avoids Getting-to-Know-You Talks
Everyone knows a relationship requires communication, especially at the onset. It should stand to reason, then, that a guy who plans dates that don't give you a chance to talk to each other isn't likely interested in a relationship. Says Todd, 35, "With girls that I only want to have sex with, I go out to lots of movies-that way, I don't have to talk to them. Afterwards I can justify going home with them since we did hang out and had an official date." According to Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need To Know Before You Commit, it should be apparent when a guy's interested in getting to know you. "He may also be sexually attracted to you and want to have sex with you," says Kirshenbaum, "but other things will have equal weight, such as having conversations with you about topics that you care about and interests you share."
Sign #7: He's Pushy About Getting Physical
Some guys will say just about anything to get a woman to have sex with him. Ever hear any of these lines?
"We'll just cuddle."
"You're just so sexy that I can't help myself."
"My underwear is chafing me."
For the record: We hate just cuddling, we can help ourselves, and our underwear was fitting us just fine this morning.
Sign #8: He Doesn't Introduce You to His Friends
If you've been dating a month or more, and you still have seen neither hide nor hair of any of his coworkers, acquaintances, siblings or pals, he's likely never going to bring you home to meet the parents. "I'll introduce girls I'm genuinely interested in to my guy-friends within two to three weeks of dating," Jake explains. "At that point I'm feeling comfortable enough with her to see what my friends think." Don't fret if you've passed the four-date mark and you haven't yet met his mom, though. "Some men won't introduce you to their families, because they're embarrassed by them," says Argov. Still, he should begin integrating you into his life within the first few months of dating. If not, it's a sign that this guy's into getting physical… and not much else. Consider yourself well warned!
Matt Schneiderman has written for Stuff, Cargo, and other magazines.
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