Talking About Sex with a New Partner

While variety is the spice of life, some people are more seasoned than others. Do not assume that your new partner will be on the same wavelength sexually, even if you have other things in common. Talking about sex with a new partner is an important part of the getting-to-know-each-other stage.

Keep the tone conversational and light. A perfect time to talk sex is in a cozy setting, perhaps while snuggled up on the couch or in front of the fireplace. That way the ambiance is right, but you are not waiting until the last minute -- when clothes are already off in the bedroom.

Likes and dislikes. It is important to share guidelines about what you like and do not like. However, don't be forceful about your inclinations, because they may not all coincide with your partner's. If you come across too negatively, he or she could feel embarrassed about personal preferences. In turn, ask your partner about likes and dislikes, as well.

If your answers do not match up, don't worry. You can still have fulfilling sex with a new partner. Work with the positives, just like with other aspects of relationships. (And yes, even "casual" dating is a type of relationship once sex becomes involved.)

Protection and birth control. Talking about condoms, birth control pills, vasectomies and other related subjects may not exactly enhance the mood. That's why you should talk about them before even making it into the bedroom. A good way to bring up the subject is by asking about prior children and plans for the future. Then get into the particulars about previous use of contraceptives, and discuss options that will work for both of you. Condoms are imperative, because they protect against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). If your partner does not want to use condoms, that should be a red flag to you.

Health issues. If you have any STDs or have had them in the past, you should disclose this information. After all, you would expect the same from your partner. Do not worry about getting shunned. STDs are nothing to be ashamed of and are more common than you may imagine.

In addition, talk about other health issues that may have an impact in the bedroom. These could be heart issues, back problems, neurological disorders and any other troubles that may inhibit your ability to enjoy different positions or perform certain sexual acts. There is no need to suffer in silence. Your partner will catch on you if you are not enjoying yourself and most likely will wonder why. Sex should be pleasurable. Dishonesty will only hinder enjoyment.

Talking about sex, despite sexuality everywhere around us, is still hard to do for a lot of people. If a new partner does not want to talk about sex or answer questions, determine if you really trust this person enough to commit such an intimate act.

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