How Can I Tell If He Loves Me

Does he love you?

First understand what love is, what love isn't; what love does, and what love doesn't.

Love is action, not words. "My love is deeper than the deepest ocean. Wider than the sky." are just words. Shoveling a foot of snow from your steps after a blizzard is action. Words are cheap; actions cost something and are worth something. If he loves you, he might say the words that set your heart aglow, but he always digs you out--literally and metaphorically--when you're stuck.

Love is commitment, not touch-and-go.

You know that stab in the stomach you suffer waiting for him to call? That's not love. That's anxiety and insecurity, and it's a manipulating tool that some men and every casino uses to keep you tethered. If he loves you, he calls, tweets, texts, writes it in the sky when he says he will. Not every moment, which is stalker scary, but just enough to free your mind to make more important decisions about your future.

Love, lust, infatuation, obsession may have some feelings in common, but they are not the same.

Lust thrives on time and distance. It burns red hot and dies quickly. Lust may be the spark of love, but it's not the engine.

Infatuation is time-limited and based on a contrived notion of who he is. When the real man emerges, with his sweaty socks and morning breath, infatuation wilts.

Obsession is the desire to control not only your love, but your actions, thoughts, drinks with friends and dinners with parents. Obsession is not a tribute to love, it's a symptom of instability.

Love, on the other hand, feels good. Love feels secure, even when you're arguing. Love sometimes runs hot, but usually it's a low and constant flame that warms without burning. Love makes you feel clam, not overwrought. Love is a light, not a blaze.

Does he love you?

If he says you're beautiful at 120 or 160 pounds, he loves you. If he calls when he's going to be late, he loves you. If he is your biggest fan, he loves you.

If he remembers big occasions, keeps his hands to himself in anger, holds you when you need suppor and tries to get along with your mother, he loves you.

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