When couples with children divorce or separate and new partners become involved, the result is what is referred to as a "blended family." While blended families often create harmonious new family units, some aspects of this new situation can be stressful and emotionally complex.
The holiday season is often a stressful and chaotic time for any family. But for a blended family, it is particularly difficult. Balancing the needs of several sets of grandparents, siblings and other family and friends can be complex and thankless. Even with the most careful planning, the likelihood is that it simply will not be possible to cater for everyone's needs.
Focus on positive memories and wishes
This season brings home some of the recurring issues faced by blended families. For both children and parents, it can be a reminder of previous memories (happy or otherwise). Choosing where to spend the holiday is complex in itself. The existing family home may previously have hosted the original family unit, leaving stepparents and/or stepchildren feeling awkward. The holiday season is also a stark reminder of the fact that the family members of a previous marriage still exist, when, in fact, the blended family may have been doing everything they could to forget it.
Communication is a critical part of the process and needs to start as early in the year as possible. The holiday schedules may seem complicated and stressful, but that feeling will only increase if planning is put off. Ensure that you talk to all the family members, including the children and your partner, to gauge what everybody wants to do. You could reach a consensus, which would make life easier, or a variety of demands may somehow need to be juggled.
Compromise is essential. You may not be able to spend the holiday season exactly where and with whom you would choose to do so. That is an inevitable consequence of trying to please so many people. You should expect the same in return, however. If some relatives will not cooperate, you can either tell them that you would prefer not to exchange gifts at all (and explain why) or that you will schedule a separate event as soon as it is practical to fit it into everybody's plans. It is unlikely that you will be able to avoid difficult conversations, so becoming an ambassador is another essential skill when it comes to maneuvering holiday schedules for blended family.
Know that this, too, shall pass
Never underestimate the emotional drain of the holiday season. Ensure that your plans include quality time for you and your new spouse and that you do not plan out every last minute of every last day. It is important to set an example, too. Whatever your feelings toward certain family members, express happiness that your children are spending time with them, and encourage your children to do so. Speak positively of former spouses. Never allow the issues that forced your separation to become evident in your children's minds.
Planning holiday schedules for blended families can create stress and chaos. It is an emotional, complicated task. It also takes practice. Don't expect to get it right the first year. Soon, you will develop a strategy that works for your family. Above all, ensure that the holiday season remains a time of happiness and fond memories, both for your new, blended family and the extended members of your former family.
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