Daters: Are You Bitter?
No doubt, divorce can be a bitter pill to swallow—a far cry from the happy ending envisioned when saying “I do.” It’s no surprise that many individuals come out of a split disillusioned and angry. But while wallowing might seem appealing at this juncture, it might also be just the thing keeping you from getting on with your life, romantic and otherwise.
“I can spend five minutes with a recently divorced person and tell right away if they’re going to move forward or stay stuck,” says Amy Botwinick, author of Congratulations on Your Divorce: The Road to Finding Your Happily Ever After and founder of www.womenmovingon.com. “With someone who is still angry, you can feel the negative energy radiating out from them because they’ve allowed their bitterness to become their whole life… it consumes their thoughts and it’s all they can talk about.”
And bitterness can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy since no one wants to be around a person who constantly emits unhappy or hostile vibes. “After my own divorce, I tried to hide my anger, but people are like animals and they can sense it even if you’re pretending things are fine,” says Botwinick. “When you’re stuck, you repel others and attract more ‘yuck’ into your life.”
So how do you know if you’ve become “Bitter, party of one?” Read on to learn the signs of emotional self-sabotage and positive ways to snap out of it!
Diagnosing Your State of Stuck
One thing to keep in mind is that divorce is a process with a whole slew of feelings attached. So some bitterness is completely normal and even desirable (in other words, staying totally cheery all the time — a.k.a. denial — isn’t the answer either). It’s when a person doesn’t explore a full range of emotions and stays stagnant in one phase that problems start.
“You need to allow yourself to feel everything — including anger, resentment, guilt, failure, depression and sometimes even euphoria — because this will help you get to the next level of your ‘emotional divorce and recovery,’” says Botwinick. “Try to keep moving forward, but know that the progression may not be perfectly linear all the time… it may be more like two steps forward, one step back.”
Dating After Divorce Articles, Videos & HowTos
The divorce rate has been steadily climbing for the last fifteen years, and it shows no sign of decreasing. There are several reasons for the dissolution of marriage, but one thing remains common among them all: two people were unable to work out their differences.
If you fear that multiple divorces have proven you incapable of succeeding in love, keep in mind that you can still find happiness in the dating world until Mr. Right comes along.
When you're in the middle of a divorce, it can be difficult to pause and think about the lessons you've learned. But it is possible to learn from divorce and remarriage, turning heartache into life lessons.
Starting a relationship after divorce is a different process for everyone. While there isn't one correct way to start or maintain post-divorce relationships, there are clear and obvious wrong ways, and these wrong ways tend to mirror the failed marriage.
"Can I date while going through a divorce?" While you might feel tempted to turn to a new romantic relationship before you sign your divorce papers, be sure to consider the emotional and legal ramifications of doing so.
Mindspark™ properties: