Starting a relationship after divorce is a different process for everyone. While there isn't one correct way to start or maintain post-divorce relationships, there are clear and obvious wrong ways, and these wrong ways tend to mirror the failed marriage.
Joseph Fanelli, a marriage counselor in Syracuse, NY, says he is a big believer in the saying, "He who is ignorant of his history is condemned to repeat it." He reminds his patients to remember their past.
Stages of Divorce
There are four main stages of divorce. Relationships may occur in any stage; it will depend on whether the person is the "leaver" or the "leavee," Fanelli said, because the healing time may differ.
According to Fanelli, the emotional divorce-coming to terms with the separation-happens long before the legal and financial divorce. Jumping into a new relationship too soon might lead to the same problems in the previous marriage. "Couples really need to take some thoughtful time to understand what went wrong and why," Fanelli said.
After divorce both men and women may have sexual affairs or meaningless flings, but that is all part of the healing process. It's possible to fall back into old habits with your first long-term relationship post-divorce, so it's advised not to jump into marriage quickly, no matter how special this new person is. It's important to know your new, post-divorced self before relying on another to avoid another problematic marriage.
After divorce, most people go through three phases of romantic recovery. How about you? Do you know where you stand?
If you admit the answer is probably yes, read on to learn how to zap negativity and move on after a divorce.