Adult Children and Divorce

Dealing with children and divorce can be a tricky situation. No kid wants to see his parents break up. Even adult children can have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that their parents have gotten divorced. To help your adult children through this difficult time, it helps to be as honest and as sensitive as possible. If you keep the lines of communication open, you can ensure that you and your children are able to move on after the divorce. The following are some tips for dealing with your adult children and the divorce.

It's best if you and your spouse tell your children about the divorce together. This shows the kids that there is no one bad guy. Additionally, it allows you all to talk about this as a family. It's best to tell the children in person: this is big news and something you should talk about. No matter the age of your children, they are bound to feel as if they are a reason their parents are divorcing. Be prepared for them to be upset and to reassure them that this is an issue between you and your soon to be ex-spouse.

Just because your children are adults doesn't mean they're going to hurt less at the news their parents are divorcing. Thus, you should be careful not to place your adult children in the middle of things. If their father has upset you, talk to a friend or another family member: don't vent about it to your kids, no matter how close you are.

Take the time to ask your children how they are feeling about the divorce. No matter their age, kids are bound to be shaken by such a big change in their family. Checking up and trying to talk about it puts everything out in the open.

Similarly, your adult children should not act as a go-between for you and your spouse. It's not healthy for parents to use their children to send messages, and it may make adult children feel as if they have to choose sides. Similarly, don't ask your children about the other parent. Do your best to communicate directly with your ex-spouse and to only say kind things about him in front of the children. Even if you are divorcing your spouse, he is still the father of your children. 

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