The issues children of divorce typically experience should always be on the mind of a divorcing parent. While your children may not experience all of these challenges, you will want to look for these symptoms and be prepared to help them in any way necessary. Children of different ages respond to divorce in different ways, so these challenges are listed by age for the sake of clarity.
Infant to Age 3
The youngest of children typically do not display significant emotional or behavior challenges during divorce. They may regress or become excessively clingy if schedules are thrown out of whack or the primary caregiver is emotionally unavailable, but overall, the impact of divorce is minimal on children in this age category. Keep schedules intact and get the help you need so you can be emotionally available for children of this age.
Age 3 to 5
Preschoolers tend to blame themselves for divorce. They do not understand why Mommy and Daddy don't live together anymore; they tend to think they can bring Mommy or Daddy back if they behave well enough. They do not respond to changes in schedule well and may cry and struggle during transitions during visitation exchanges. Explain to your preschooler that you love him and make sure your child knows he did not do anything to bring this upon your family. Be patient with mood swings and temper tantrums; try to minimize the trauma of transitions.
Elementary School Aged Children
Children ages 5 to 11 respond with the most emotional turmoil and distress of all the age groups. These children are old enough to blame their parents for the pain of divorce, and they feel the separation the most keenly. They are still too young to emotionally process the loss or control their reactions to the pain they experience, so they are most likely to act out in ways that get them in trouble for behavior issues. Expect anger, depression, and possibly violent outbursts as your child tries to process the transitions and the idea that some married people don't love each other forever. Be patient and gentle with your elementary school aged child.
Teenagers
Teenagers are able to process and control their emotions, and may empathize with the parent your child feels is the victim of the split. They may experience deep depression about love and marriage in general or may overcompensate by becoming overly responsible and trying to be an adult companion to please the parents. Teenagers may benefit from therapy and open discussions about how they feel about the separation.
 | For children, divorce can be especially difficult to understand and work through. If you work out custody arrangements as soon as possible, listen to your children's concerns and maintain structure in the household, you can ease their transition into a new phase of their lives. |
 | Divorce can be a bitter and acrimonious process. Child custody issues, particularly those that escalate to custody battles, can be particularly harmful to the child at issue as well as the parties engaged in the divorce. |
 | Dealing with children and divorce can be a tricky situation. No kid wants to see his parents break up. Even adult children can have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that their parents have gotten divorced. To help your adult children through this difficult time, it helps to be as honest and as sensitive as possible |
Joint child custody can offer a sense of stability for your child, but it requires careful thought and consideration. |
The effects of divorce on a child can impact the rest of his life. Learn how to work to cushion the emotional blow. |
