Communication breakdown is a major factor in marriages that end in divorce. How, then, can both parties handle parenting after divorce if they could not get along before it? Unless there is fear of harm, parents must learn to accept that both parties will play their own roles in the kids' lives and put their children's welfare ahead of themselves.
Respect. In order to gain respect, you have to conduct yourself first in a respectful manner. Even if the other parent does not value or reciprocate the behavior, if you respect yourself, you will get farther in the long run. Each parent sets an example for his and her children and influences their emotional development into adulthood.
Control issues. Trying to control the other parent by criticizing everything is a common tactic after divorce because of hurt feelings accumulated during the failed marriage. While it is easy to respond in kind, that will only hurt the children. Learn to recognize this behavior and avoid adopting it.
Acceptance. Accept the other parent's parenting style, even if it does not reflect your own, and abide by the custody agreement. If there are concerns for the welfare of the children, address them via the legal system.
Negative feelings. Despite the best intentions, it is normal for feelings of anger and resentment to surface when parenting after a divorce. For a short-term fix, look at pictures of your children whenever you feel yourself slipping into negative behaviors when dealing with the ex.
For a long-term solution, each parent would greatly benefit from individual professional counseling sessions after the divorce while transitioning into separate parenting roles. Remember that you cannot control what the other parent does, which includes forcing him or her to go to counseling. Regardless, you will benefit from counseling even if your ex chooses not to do so.
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