How to Deal With Her Friends

Do your girlfriend's BFFs make you want to go MIA? If her pesky pals are creating a wedge in your relationship, it's time to step up and do something about it. While pressuring your girlfriend to lose her most trusted confidantes is never a good idea, helping her see the true colors of those toxic to her and your relationship will do you both a favor. For hints on how to handle her difficult girlfriends-and help her say "See ya" to the seriously straining ones, consider the advice of Mary Jo Fay, author of When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong. Below, Fay maps out exactly how you can beat each of her troublemaking girlfriends at their own games.

The Down-in-the-Dumps Friend
Perpetually depressed, she always needs your girlfriend to come to her rescue, taking time away from the two of you.

It's important to understand that you're never going to change Down-in-the-Dumps Friend-and neither is your girlfriend, so don't even bother trying.. Instead, Fay says your best bet is never to buy into her drama, yet not dismiss it either. "Be rather neutral," she advises. "When she pulls her act with your girlfriend, in your best non-patronizing voice, say, -Oh Honey, I'm sorry to hear that Down-in-the-Dumps Friend is down in the dumps again. That must be tough for her, always feeling like the glass is half empty. I'm so glad you're a -glass is half full' gal and realize that we all make our own choices in life."

If your girlfriend continues taking off to take care for Down-in-the-Dumps Friend, start making plans to do some fun things you know your girlfriend would enjoy, with friends you know she likes. "When you and your girlfriend get together again, casually mention how much fun you had and how you'd wished she'd been able to join you," Fay recommends. "After enough times missing out on the good stuff, your girlfriend will likely decide you're a better bet than Down-in-the-Dumps Friend." Fay says. If, over time, Down-in-the-Dumps Friend keeps winning out, it might be time to look for a new girlfriend.

The Eager Bachelorette Friend
She's always trying to get you to set her up with your friends, and you're so not going there.

The best way to cool off Eager Bachelorette Friend? Have a big heart-to-heart with her about how most of your buds are either married, in a relationship, gay or jerks, Fay says. "Point her in a different direction by mentioning that all your friends are telling you they're meeting great people online," she advises, "or, if you're feeling particularly chivalrous, research some singles-heavy groups in your area that you know she'd find interesting, and then casually mention them to her in hopes that she'll take the bait." Whatever you do, never waver from your "no matchmaking" position. "Doing so will give Eager Bachelorette Friend hope, and before you know it, she'll start nagging you incessantly again," Fay says.

The Jealous Friend
She loathes you for encroaching on the time she and her friend used to spend together.

When considering Jealous Friend, it's important to understand that with her, there's more than meets they eye. "Jealousy is never about the person it's being directed at; it's always about the one who is jealous and his or her own insecurities," Fay explains. That being said, the Jealous Friend is going to whine, cajole and carry on to your girlfriend about how much more fun they had when she was single. "Much like Down-in-the-Dumps Friend, Jealous Friend is all about keeping the attention on herself because more than likely, she has no other important people in her life besides your girlfriend," she says.

Deal with Jealous Friend much as you would Down-in-the-Dumps Friend. "Don't buy into her drama," Fay suggests. "Instead, chuckle at the bad mouthing she dishes out, almost as if you think she's joking-even when you know she's not." Ultimately, what Jealous Friend wants is a big blow up from you so that she can demonstrate to your girlfriend just what a jerk you are and how much better off she'd be without you. To help ward off Jealous Friend's meddling, Fay recommends double-checking ahead of time with your girlfriend that your plans together will involve just the two of you. "This will not only prevent a last-minute whine-fest from Jealous Friend, but will also prevent your girlfriend from being torn between her two loyalties," she explains. And because every pit bull needs an occasional bone, make sure Jealous Friend joins your girlfriend for an occasional girls' weekend from time to time. "Doing so is certain to keep Jealous Friend's snarls in check," Fay says.

The Hot-to-Trot Friend
She's always flirting with you-and not so innocently.

To survive interactions with Hot-to-Trot Friend, it's imperative that you maintain a neutral attitude towards her and consistently set strong boundaries. "Acting indifferent toward this woman shows your sweetheart that you're head over heels for her and not open to approaches by others," Fay explains. When in Hot-to-Trot Friend's presence, demonstrate this attitude by engaging in lots of public displays of affection to your loved one, yet acting almost bored around her pal. When in mixed company, hang with the guys. "No matter what, always keep witnesses nearby, as Hot-to-Trot Friend, once spurned by you, could very likely blame you for the advances when things don't go her way," warns Fay.

Chelsea Kaplan, a DC-based writer, is the Editorial Director of www.themomtourage.com.