You’re in the throes of a thrilling new relationship. Maybe you even suspect you have found The One. Excited to introduce your sweetie to your closest pals, you get them all together, convinced they’ll all adore one another. And that’s when trouble starts brewing: Your usually cheerful mate looks increasingly sullen as the evening wears on; meanwhile, when your honey heads to the bathroom and you ask your friends what they think, they exchange meaningful glances and say unconvincingly, “Um, sure, he’s great”—or worse, “Honestly? I’m not sure why you’re interested.”

So much for the honeymoon—now you feel torn between your friends and your brand-new love. “Of course you can’t make people like each other,” says Elizabeth Bailey, CSW, a New York–based family therapist, but there are steps you can take to encourage everybody to get along. Here are some ways to help bridge the gap.

Identify the Problem
First step: Take a close look at what could be causing the friction. Often, jealousy is the culprit. Partners, for example, can become insecure—anxious that your childhood cronies know you better or have more influence on you than they do. That’s what happened to Laurie, of Seattle, WA, when she started a hot-and-heavy relationship with her now-husband, Don. “Every time we got together with my best friend, Don became standoffish with her—he was flip, insincere, and never made eye contact,” recalls Laurie. Ultimately, talking openly helped her understand the cause of Don’s unfriendly behavior. “At first he claimed he wasn’t aware of his attitude. But eventually he admitted that my best friend represented my past — my partying days with other guys — and he confessed that it made him feel really insecure around her.”

If your pals are the ones who are disapproving, it could signal that they’re concerned you’re no longer part of the gang—especially if they’re used to having you to themselves 24/7. “Think about whether they’ve been critical of your relationships in the past,” advises Bailey. “You might realize that your friends simply feel left behind when you become romantically involved with a new person.”

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