It can be challenging to make new friends as an adult. Our society is structured so that we live very separate lives, socializing in structured cliques and groups. It can seem daunting to try to break into established social circles; you may feel like you don't belong or are intruding. The key to meeting new friends lies in overcoming insecurity and learning how to bridge the gap between yourself and a potential friend. This takes practice, but you can do it.
Always Be Prepared
You can make new friends anywhere you go. You never know where you might meet that person who fits you like a glove-at the grocery store, work or the fitness club. You'll want to make sure you are clean and dressed appropriately every time you leave the house. Take the time to do your hair or make up; make sure you feel confident even when running an errand as simple as picking up a prescription at the drug store.
Learn to Initiate Conversations
The key to turning casual interactions into friendships is to learn how to initiate actual conversations with strangers. Practice by making comments about the weather or complimenting people on their children. Build from simple one-line comments to actual conversations with people who seem open to talking. If you have a good sense of humor, crack a joke or share something funny. The key is to get talking to that person.
Ask Questions
Once you're talking to this new person, think of a question to ask. You can ask a mother at the park if her child attends the same school as your child. Ask if she knows of any good sport camps for the kids. If you're a woman talking to another woman, you can ask her where she gets her hair styled or where she got that adorable purse. If you're a man, ask a question about a relevant event coming up. The point here is to advance the conversation from a comment to a real interaction.
Is There a Connection?
Ask yourself if you are enjoying yourself as you talk to this new person, or if this isn't a match. Make sure you really would want to spend time with this person before you take the next step.
Put Yourself Out There
Look for a way to initiate another interaction with this person. Are you chatting with a woman from your yoga class? Ask her if she's going to be there next week or if she'd like to go out for a smoothie to chat. Are you talking to a guy in the golfing section of a sporting goods store? Ask him if he knows of any good driving ranges around town. Are you talking to the mom of a child who is playing with your child? Initiate a playdate for the kids-and joking add that you could use a date with another mom yourself-then suggest you meet at the park again sometime.
If you are in a situation where you might not run into this person again spontaneously, offer your phone number or e-mail address, and see if he or she is responsive.
Don't Give Up
Meeting new friends takes time and patience. You'll probably have to initiate with several new people before you make the right connection, but with time and practice, you'll find the new friend that is right for you.
Learning how to make friends online isn't nearly as daunting as you might think. In fact, it's often easier than face to face if you know where to look. |
If you're feeling lonely, take note of these 10 ways to make friends-even without making use of the Internet. |