While the dating pool may seem to be getting smaller these days, there are certain men that you should stay away from, no matter how tempting or convenient they may seem. One type that falls into this category is your ex's friend. There may be certain circumstances that would allow for dating an ex's friend to happen, but there are many reasons why it's not such a good idea.
Depending on how close this friend is to your ex, he may already know a lot about you. This means the good, the great and the ugly. He may know you are an extremely thoughtful person, that you are great with dogs and kids and that you're awesome at trivia. But he could also know that you snore, that you're messy and that you insulted your ex's mother at the last family reunion. If you do decide to date an ex's friend, be prepared for embarrassing stories to be brought up, questions about your nastiest habits to be asked. Guys also tend to swap bedroom stories, so just be wary of that before hooking up with your ex's friends.
Just as women have unwritten rules for friendship conduct, men have their own pieces of Bro Code, also known as Guy Code. Dating your friend's ex is typically a big no no. Think about the idea of being a homewrecker and the connotation that brings - now think about the fact that it's similar when you come between two friends.
You should respect Guy Code and your ex's friendships - you would want him to do the same. Think about how you would feel if your ex started dating one of your friends. You probably wouldn't speak to either of them again - or at least for a very long time.
If your previous relationship ended on a good note, consider not dating your ex's friend a sign of respect. You respect him and, as such, he will respect you. If your previous relationship ended on a bad note, you really shouldn't be continuing relationships with your ex's friends anyway. In either case, maintain your own self-respect! Sometimes convenience equals settling. Finding someone new may not be the easiest task, but it's all part of the breakup, rebound, grow and learn cycle.
Typically people hang out with other people who are similar to themselves. Don't make the same mistakes twice by dating someone just like your ex. While his friends may be way more charming or funny or handsome, they could possibly share the same mentalities and personality traits that helped your last relationship go bust.
If You Must
If you believe your infatuation with your ex's friend is really more than just a crush, it may be okay to proceed with caution. Communication is always important, though, and letting your ex know your feelings, intentions and respect for his wishes is crucial in beginning a new relationship with his friend. If you are honest and straightforward he may give you his blessing. Don't allow your new relationship to jeopardize their friendship. You don't want your new guy resenting you for the loss of a close friend.
When it comes to dating an ex's friend, in the end it's your call. The important thing to remember is to put yourself in the shoes of your ex, or even your ex's friend, and decide if it is really the right choice for you.