Revealing the number of people with whom you’ve fooled around is a lot like calling your grandmother. It’s one of those things you feel like you should do, but you really don’t want to. Why? Because you know you’re going to have a long, drawn out conversation that essentially makes you feel uncomfortable. Sorry, Grams, but it’s true.

While you might lie to your grandmother about that time you jumped on top of the bar and took your shirt off, lying to your new boyfriend about your “free and easy” stage is a stickier subject. So what DO you tell him? And when?

Statistics show that most women lie about the number of sexual partners they’ve had. Why? Because as much as they want to think the standards are the same for men and women, especially when it comes to sexual conquests, they’re not. Even Angelina Jolie, someone ladies tend to think as a woman who wouldn’t care what anybody thinks, defended her “wild child” image to Cosmopolitan magazine by saying she’s only slept with four men.

But when starting a new relationship with someone, you shouldn’t start it off lying. If you’ve slept with 26 guys, but you think a more acceptable number to tell him is 10, then you’re essentially weaving a web of lies you’ll have to live with, if you end up with this guy, forever. And there will be times when you’ll casually mention a concert you went to, or a road trip you went on, and when you have to lie about who you went with (because the person you actually went with was #13 on your sex list) you’ll find yourself creating Charlotte’s Web II.

Aside from the lying thing being an issue, telling your real number can also be a good way to bring you and your boyfriend closer together…or find out if he’s a total creep. If you tell the truth and your boyfriend can’t deal with it, what other things won’t he be able to deal with? If he thinks you’re “slutty” because you have a high number, then you’re probably dating a judgmental type and you should run, not walk, to the nearest exit. When the two of you decide to have the big talk is completely up to you. It’s essentially when you feel like you’re in a loving, secure, exclusive relationship with someone.

When you do decide to spill the beans, just make sure you’re in a comfortable setting, and don’t be afraid to set some ground rules. Tell your boyfriend that you’re going to be completely honest with him and that you expect the same from him. That means that if you don’t want him to freak out about your number, you can’t freak out about his. Everyone has a past and the number of times you guys have jumped in the sack with other people doesn’t make your current relationship any less meaningful.

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