How to Stop Being Jealous

Is it possible to learn how to stop being jealous? Dealing with jealousy from time to time is normal. However, if you think your partner is cheating, be aware that this could be a case of the green-eyed monster. To protect your relationship, take time to sort through your thoughts. You don't want to detonate a relationship or threaten the trust you've built because of insecurity. There are ways you can try to stop being jealous. 

Jealousy's Origins

Jealousy is not a completely irrational emotion because the reasons for this emotion or feeling are real. Oftentimes, jealousy comes from insecurity and past experiences. If you've dealt with a cheating spouse or partner before, it's normal to worry it will happen again. Being aware of the reasons for your jealousy can help calm some of your fears.

Jealousy is like armor; it helps protect you from future pain. However, if you confront your partner about cheating, and it turns out you are wrong, you risk ruining the trust you have with your partner.

There is a big difference between occasional jealousy and regular fear and insecurity. If you regularly worry that your loved one is having an affair, the problem may be your insecurity, not that your loved one is cheating. This doesn't mean that jealousy is always unfounded, but it's not always proof that a loved one is seeking affection outside of the relationship. If this is the case, it may be time to learn how to stop being jealous. 

Dealing With Jealousy

Seek some outside help when dealing with jealousy. Try talking to friends and family. Sometimes, if you can't tell if your fears about your partner are legitimate or the effects of jealousy, all it takes is to have another perspective. If someone knows you, they can help you see the green-eyed monster for what it is.

However, use caution, and share your fears with only your close friends. If you tell everyone who crosses your path that you are suspicious of your spouse or partner, the news might get back to your partner, who might be upset that you didn't talk to them first.

Much of the time, jealousy or fear that your spouse is cheating is based out of insecurity. One way to deal with jealousy is to take time to love yourself. Do nice things for yourself once in a while. Work on a craft or art project. Try joining some clubs or organizations. Make sure to pamper yourself from time to time. In short, instead of beating yourself up for the little things that go wrong, think about all of the things that are going right.

Also, people sink into jealousy when they believe that they aren't worthy of their loved one's affection. Take time to review your relationship and think about all of the good times the two of you have shared. If your partner didn't want to be with you, they most likely wouldn't be.

Feelings of jealousy can quickly make a relationship feel like a burden, so try your best to make the time you and your partner spend together special. Go on fun dates, slip them little presents and be attentive. The better you feel about the relationship, the less jealousy you will feel.

Cheating or Jealousy: Analyzing the Situation

Now, just because your significant other is putting in long hours at the office or has close friends doesn't mean your loved one is cheating. A major sign of cheating is if they spend less time with you or seem consistently distant, and you can't figure out why. Major changes in routine (business trips, going into work at a different time, buying new clothes) could be a sign of cheating, or they could just be what they appear to be: changes in routine.

Remember that your partner will have a life outside of you, and this is okay. For example, if you call their cell phone and they do not necessarily pick up right away, don't automatically believe they are having an affair. They might be in a meeting, on the phone with someone else, or tired and not in the mood to talk.

Another way to decipher whether or not your loved one is cheating or if you've been affected by the green-eyed monster is to think about your loved one's past behavior. If they have never cheated on you before and never cheated on any previous partners, then chances are you are acting on fear rather than facts. If your loved one has cheated in the past, then it makes more sense for you to think he or she is cheating.

Broaching the Subject

Talking to your partner about your fears is tricky because you don't want them to think you're paranoid or to think that you don't trust them. Instead, be sure to be up front and clear. Explain that you know your fears may be irrational, but you want to communicate about things rather than allow them to fester.

When you do talk about your fear that your loved one is cheating, be sure to keep a level tone, and avoid a confrontational attitude. This isn't about your loved one proving their innocence, but about you discussing your feelings and thoughts. Be sure to use "I" statements, which will help you take ownership over your thoughts and help prevent your partner from feeling attacked.

In the talk, don't focus on how you will catch a cheating spouse or partner but on improving your relationship's communication and trust. If you have only passing feelings of jealousy, then you might reconsider broaching the subject.

What to Expect

If you talk to your partner about your fears of infidelity, be prepared for their reactions. They may feel hurt or upset that you do not trust them. They may act defensive. Remember that your jealous feelings can make your loved one feel as if their integrity is being questioned. Be sure to remind them that you love them and want to be with them, which might help diffuse a stressful or tense situation. If you don't feel that you have real reasons for your jealousy, try to learn how to stop being jealous. 

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