Break the Pattern of Bad Relationships

Everyone has had the unfortunate experience of being in a bad relationship, so it's nothing to be ashamed about. However, when relationship after relationship falls into that bad category, a pattern starts to emerge. You must identify the problems and break the pattern of bad relationships to climb out of this detrimental rut.

Identifying a bad relationship
Generally, any relationship that keeps you in a constant state of unhappiness is a bad relationship. If there is more arguing than agreeing, more hurt than love and more work than reward, it's probably a bad relationship. Though all romances go through difficult times, there's a difference between a rough patch and bad match.

While you could make up a list of good and bad aspects of each affair, most people already know they're in a bad relationship. Most people already know if they've experienced a series of bad relationships. It's not figuring this out that's the issue, it's doing something about it that poses the problem.

Identifying the general problem
If you're experiencing nothing but one bad relationship after another, it probably has to do with a lot more than mere chance. What theme or themes seems to run through all these terrible trysts? It's likely that there is a common theme to be found if you do just a little digging.

Indentifying the problem in you
Reflect on your past romantic problems and be totally honest with yourself. Were there endless fights about money, trust, control or neglect issues? Were these problems other people would objectively agree were an issue, or were they problems people kept telling you were silly? In most relationships there's a bit of both, but the questions help tell you if the problem lays mainly in the people you choose to date, or your perception of them.

Identifying the problem in them
Think about the people with whom you've been in those past bad relationships. What aspects do they all have in common? Were they all controlling, boring, unmotivated, untrustworthy or plain mean? The unsavory qualities all your exes have in common are your warning flags for future romantic choices. These are the personality aspects you want to avoid.

Fixing the problems

There is no easy fix for a pattern of bad relationships. It takes some time and will power to move yourself away from something that has become so common. There are a few tricks that can help aid you in this new transition if you're stumbling.

• Make sure you're over an old flame before starting a new relationship. You don't want to transfer the feelings and problems from one affair into the next.

• Take time to get to know someone, even becoming friends, before you start dating. This will reduce that chance of finding nasty surprises about their personality.

• Sit down and really think about what you want to give and receive from any relationship, and communicate this to your future partner. If you both have completely different ideas of what's good and right, the relationship may be doomed before it even starts.

You are not doomed to a lifetime of bad relationships. You can learn to make better choices in your romantic life that lead to better relationships. It may not happen overnight, but if you want it, it will happen.