Research shows that the words "I Love You" are more of a feeling than a thought, and the heart knows when it's right. If someone has to think about saying the phrase, then it's not the right moment."I Love You" should just come out; it's not necessarily something that's thought out. In other words, there is no right time to say "I Love You" but there is a wrong time. Here are a few of them.
In the Heat of the Moment
Sex is an euphoric experience. Emotions are often heightened, and both people can say things they don't mean as a result. Therefore, although it may seem like a good idea to say "I Love You" while making love, research proves otherwise. Any form of aerobic exercise, sex included, releases endorphins. These natural chemicals produce a feeling of happiness and reduce stress. But an unexpected declaration of love in the middle of it all can introduce tension and change everything. Sudden stress means the body immediately releases adrenaline into the bloodstream and the muscles tense up. This pent-up physical reaction instantly kills the passion of sex and it's hard to bounce back from. The obvious exception to this is when the other person reciprocates the response, serving to increase the libido of both parties.
While Under the Influence
It's no secret that drugs and alcohol alter the mind. But it's also no secret that many have nicknamed these substances liquid courage, because people seem to have an easier time saying anything while under the influence of them. Naturally, many people have drunkenly blurted out "I Love You" after a couple of drinks. While this is fine, it's not exactly the romantic moment the other person may have been expecting. When someone is under the influence, he or she may say and do regrettable things or worse yet, things they don't even remember. That said, "I Love You" usually doesn't mean as much while intoxicated, even if the other person reciprocates.
When Trying to Win an Argument
Much like the emotions involved in the heat of the moment, there are also emotions involved in the heat of an argument. When fighting, at least one person is looking for a way out. Sometimes when "I'm Sorry" just won't cut it, he or she may blurt out "I Love You" instead. With emotions running high this may seem like a good idea, but research shows it can just get him or her in even more hot water. Saying "I Love You" to get out of an argument cheapens the otherwise coveted phrase. Men and women both want to hear the words, but neither want them used as a strategy to win an argument. The phrase means more when it's not merely an escape route.
When No One Can Hear It
This seems like common sense. Why would someone say something so special if the other person can't hear it? But think about the movies and television shows out there. The classic scene where one person is sleeping while the other leans over them, whispering the words "I Love You." It many seem sweet, but in reality, if he or she can't say it while the other person can hear them, the power of the words is diminished. Furthermore, if it's difficult to say in the presence of a significant other, then he or she may not be ready to say it at all. "I Love You" is a powerful phrase and should be shouted from the rooftops, or at least said loud enough for the other person to hear and respond
When It's a Thought
As stated in the beginning of the article, "I Love You" is more of a feeling than a thought. But this idea deserves more clarification. Many psychologists subscribe to the idea that the heart wants what it wants, and when people listen to it, they'll know what to do. This is said to be true when it comes to knowing the right time to say "I Love You." It shouldn't be something that someone has to think long and hard about. It's more of a mere moment when he or she suddenly knows it's right. That's not to say that when the decision to say "I Love You" is made that he or she can't think about a way to make the moment special with flowers or candles. Thinking about a way to say the words is different than thinking about saying them at all. The bottom line here is that if it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't.
When the overwhelming urge to say "I Love You" comes, there is almost nothing that will be able to stop it. But because it is such an important step in any relationship, it's a phrase that has to mean something when it's said. The above instances are all examples of when saying the words "I Love You" cheapens its significance. That's because the only right time to say "I Love You" is when he or she truly means it.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were literally visible red flags in a relationship? If things weren't quite right, a red flag would pop out. It would be a dead give-away that there is an impending relationship problem. There would be no guessing or needless paranoia because it would all be there in black and white (or red).
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