Should You Choose Your Battles in a Relationship?

Everybody has little things that set them off. When you are in a relationship, those little things can make a big impact. It is important to know not only your own personal threshold for anger and frustration, but also your partner's. That knowledge will help you choose your battles with your partner, which will, in turn, make for a smoother, less stressful relationship.

Decide What Is Most Important to You
When in doubt, be honest and straightforward. If your man does something that annoys you, don't get mad, simply tell him the truth. In doing this early into your relationship, you can prevent any bad habits from forming. If you get annoyed, keep in mind that there may be things you do that frustrate him. Willingness to talk about these things will help the two of you grow together and form a relationship unique to those you have had in the past.

Figure out what is most important to you. If communication is your biggest need, explain to him how important it is that he calls when he says he will, texts you back or talks about plans. Focusing on one or two key things will be the first step toward you not sweating the small stuff. You don't ever want to sound demanding or nagging, because you wouldn't want to be with someone who is demanding or nagging. If you freak out about little things, he may not take you as seriously when something really important comes up.

Don't ever make him feel like you have rules that he has to live by, however, because that creates a potentially combative dynamic and he may grow to resent you. 

Look on the Bright Side
Most situations you encounter may not be as bad as you think. Everything is in the eye of the beholder, and having a positive attitude and openness will create less drama for the two of you. If you and your man are out on the town with friends one night and you see him chatting with another girl, don't get raging mad. Instead of thinking he's doing something wrong, be happy another woman might want what you have. As long as he's going home with you, there is no harm done.

If you are still feeling rankled, consider the fact that you can't have double standards in place. You can't get angry at your guy for talking to another woman if you want to be free to talk to other men. If your man doesn't like it when you talk to other guys, then he should have to act accordingly. Remember that there is a positive side to every situation. Thinking about this before you blow up at your man will help you rationalize whether or not it's worth the fight.

Don't Compare
One of the biggest steps in learning to choose your battles is training yourself not to compare your man or your relationship to others. This cuts the amount of battles down considerably. You cannot get mad at your boyfriend for not doing something great for you that your friend's boyfriend does for her. They are not the same people; you cannot expect them to act the same way.

Never expect your man to change for you. Seeing and liking him as a package deal will help you let the little things go, especially if the things that are bothering you now are quirks that you knew about before you were ever in a relationship. If he's a longtime smoker and you're not a fan of cigarettes, for instance, don't make this into an ongoing argument. You knew this about him beforehand, and if he's going to quit he should quit for himself, not for you. There are plenty of ways to compromise, the most obvious being that he can continue to smoke, just not around you.

You can't change him but you can, however, help him to be a better version of himself. You are his support system when he needs it. Encouraging him to do the things that make him happy will make it easier for you to make him happy, which means it will be easier for him to make you happy.

Every minute you spend angry is 60 seconds of happiness that you will never get back. Spending less time battling with your man makes for more time the two of you have to have fun and learn about each other. It may take a little time, but learn to not sweat the small stuff and you will feel less stressed, happier and better connected with your significant other.