When your relationship is full of drama created by his mama, the road to romance can feel like a traffic jam—with her in the driver’s seat. Puzzled as to why when he’s around his mother, your man acts more like a boy? Below, Debra Mandel, Ph.D., author of Dump That Chump: From Doormat to Diva in Only Nine Steps—A Guide to Getting Over Mr. Wrong, answers this and some additional commonly asked questions concerning men who aren’t yet ready to make someone other than mama number one in their lives.

Q: What causes a man to be a mama's boy?

Dr. Mandel: Guys who have always been coddled and indulged by their moms often become “mama’s boys.” Moms who do this tend to be fairly needy (especially when it comes to male attention) and therefore seek to create a relationship in which someone will be very dependent upon her. As the son of this type of mother grows up, he often fears that his mom will fall apart if he so much as moves to the neighboring zip code. So, it becomes a mutually parasitic relationship; both mom and son are afraid to be independent of each other. In essence, your guy has become his mom’s pseudo-husband, and, consciously or unconsciously, he likes the importance of this role. Of course, this makes it hard for him to commit to another woman—namely, you.

Q: What's the difference between a man having a "healthy" attachment to his mother and an "unhealthy" one?

Dr. Mandel: While you might find it odd that he’s calling or even visiting his mother daily, the frequency of contact a guy has with his mom doesn’t determine how healthy or unhealthy his attachment is to her. What does, however, is the quality of the contact. If both mom and son have mutual respect for one another and have set good boundaries with each other (if he’s able to say “Thanks but no thanks for the new underwear you bought me, Ma. I am 34, you know…”, for example), their daily conversation may not be something worth your concern. On the other hand, while mom and son may not see or talk to one another very often, if he can’t make a decision in his life without her approval or validation, that’s a sign of a seriously unhealthy attachment.

Q: When evaluating the health of a guy’s relationship with his mom, what do you recommend a woman look for?

• Previous Page
• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page