Signs of an abusive relationship are often overlooked in the beginning. Falling in love feels so overwhelmingly good that women dismiss potential problems. You have a tendency to give yourself completely to another person in order to make sure that your partner is happy and committed to you as much as you are to him.
The first warning sign is your own feeling--that gut wrenching that something just isn't right. Perhaps there are too many phone calls wanting to know where you are and with whom or demands that you repeat conversations and detail who was in the same space with you. You should listen early on and heed these feelings of something being out of place.
End the relationship if you sense anger underneath the inquiries. Partners who have to control your clothing choices, and phone call lengths eventually work up to limiting time spent with friends and then family. These are signs of an abusive relationship.
Most times violence doesn't appear at the very beginning of a relationship. It builds slowly over time through controlling your personality. The more of yourself that you give, the faster the red flags appear. Young women and teens are at the highest risk for giving themselves completely to another's personality.
By taking care to guard yourself against submitting completely to another person, you might stop violence sooner rather than later. If you let your self esteem be demeaned in order to keep a relationship, then your relationship is only going to get worse.
Take stock of how the relationship has affected your self esteem. Have you become isolated from friends and family? Have you relinquished your support system?
Once you know you're being cut off from friends, you can end this relationship and begin at once to re-establish relationships that promote your well being. You may also want to get professional relationship help by going to a counselor, so you can learn how to avoid abusive partners in the future.
The bottom line is this: You are responsible for your well being. Regardless of whether a relationship is violent, controling, or disturbing in other areas, you and you alone must take responsiblity for your safety. Build a positive relationship with yourself, and you are much more likely to get involved in respectful and satisfying relationships with others.
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Do you need help recognizing a controlling personality? |
