Getting out of an obsessive relationship can be very challenging. Most likely your obsessive partner will be very resistant to letting you move on, making this transition much more difficult than a typical break up. If you're having trouble getting out of an obsessive relationship, try these tips for making the break.
Break It Off Safely and Kindly
Obsessive people can present a danger-to you and to themselves. Obsessive relationships may be fun and exciting when they first begin-you may have felt desired and appreciated like never before. However, ending an obsessive relationship can be dangerous, so you need to proceed with caution and kindness. Be gentle, considerate and loving as you tell your partner you no longer want to be in a love relationship with him. Comfort your partner as you explain your need to break up, anticipating tears or rage. It is advisable to break up with an obsessive partner in a public place like a restaurant or coffee shop where violence is unlikely. Make sure friends and family know you may need support after this difficult encounter.
Tell your partner exactly what you want for a future relationship. Are you willing to be friends with this person, or do you feel that trying to be friends will be too painful? What exactly does "being friends" mean to you? You may want to write a goodbye letter so the obsessive partner in the relationship understands exactly what is acceptable to you and what is not. Write the letter, set it aside, reread it and edit it for clarity, kindness and truthfulness to your own needs, then give it to your partner as part of your breakup.
Chances are your ex will not respect the boundaries you laid out in that break up letter, since obsessive lovers have trouble respecting boundaries. You will need to enforce the boundaries you set and call your ex on the infractions. Is your ex calling you? E-mailing? Texting? Stopping by unannounced? Begging you to take him back? Gently but firmly point out that your ex is violating your wishes and explain you will not accept the inappropriate calls, e-mails, texts or visits. Use your caller ID, voicemail, answering machine and doorman or doorbell to your advantage.
Take Advantage of Formal Protection
If you need to, you can get a restraining order against your ex. You may need to see a therapist to work through the stress of ending a relationship of this nature and to process how to handle the aftermath of the relationship. It may be helpful to explore why you were drawn to an obsessive person and how to re-establish your independence and emotional security without a partner so you will choose a healthier partner the next time around.
Signs of an abusive relationshipare often overlooked in the beginning. Falling in love feels so overwhelmingly good that women dismiss potential problems. You have a tendency to give yourself completely to another person in order to make sure that your partner is happy and committed to you as much as you are to him.