Do you have trouble recognizing a controlling personality? Do you find yourself in relationships where you feel manipulated and stifled? If you repeatedly find yourself in situations where you feel you have no control, you're probably unconsciously seeking out relationships with people who have control issues. Use this checklist to help you identify a controlling personality before you're in too deep.
She's Possessive of Your Time
If your girlfriend can't handle you hanging out with the guys for poker night or won't let you get a night alone, you've got a controlling woman on your hands. Partners in healthy relationships recognize the need for time away and independence. Your partner shouldn't expect you to bring her along for everything you do.
He's Jealous When There's No Justifiable Reason
If he gets upset when your old buddy calls to see how you're doing, recognize the red flag. While a boyfriend might reasonably get jealous if he sees you flirting with a guy when you're out at a bar or hears you met your ex for coffee, it's not healthy for a man to get jealous over male friends or coworkers who simply want to chat or catch up. Watch out for signs your man is overly jealous; this kind of a controlling mate can also be dangerous.
She Uses Guilt to Get You to Do What She Wants
If you find yourself committing to things you don't really want to do or feeling guilty for expressing your own needs, you're with a subtle controller-a woman who knows how to manipulate you so you do what she wants, not what you want. She may be passive aggressive or very sly about her manipulations, but you're going to feel controlled all the same.
He Tells You What You're Doing This Weekend
If your boyfriend tells you what he wants but doesn't leave room for discussion of your thoughts or needs, you're going to end up feeling like you're always giving in to him. Controlling people don't give you the chance to say what you want in a relationship; instead they tell you what you should want. This will quickly lead to resentment and discontent.
Signs of an abusive relationshipare often overlooked in the beginning. Falling in love feels so overwhelmingly good that women dismiss potential problems. You have a tendency to give yourself completely to another person in order to make sure that your partner is happy and committed to you as much as you are to him.
At the root of all trust issues is a past betrayal. No matter how long ago that betrayal occurred, a person will not learn to let others in until she has begun working through trust issues.