How to Move on After He Cheats!

How can a couple move on after he has cheated on her? Some couples are better off ending the relationship after infidelity, but others are willing and able to move forward as a couple. It takes hard work and it is an extremely difficult process. Unless you and your partner are willing to really sacrifice, it is almost impossible to achieve a good relationship after he cheats.

If you really want to move on after he has cheated, it will help to understand the stages you will go through during the process of healing.

Stage one: The first stage is hurt. When someone causes you deep pain as a result of betrayal or loss of trust, the natural response is to feel hurt. This stage is the result of feeling that you have been treated unfairly by someone you care deeply for.

Stage two: The second stage is anger. The memory of how painful you feel turns to thoughts of anger. You may even think about how you wish the other person would suffer as much as you are. Unlike hurt, which can leave you feeling vulnerable, anger can be very empowering. Some people may experience thoughts of revenge. This is also normal, it is when thoughts turn to actions or behaviors that can cause a person to do or say things they later regret.

Stage three: The third stage is healing. To arrive at healing, you will need to have gone through the first two stages. Stage three requires seeing the person who hurt you from a different perspective. Here you might try to see things through the other person?'s eyes, trying to understand why and how he could have done the behaviors he did. Empathy is a necessary step to healing.

Stage four: The final stage is forgiveness. Forgiveness is when you invite the person who has wronged you back into your life. Although this does not?'t have to be in the literal sense, it can just be in your heart and mind without the other person being present. For most people the stage of forgiveness is very difficult to reach. Here you realize that the other person is fallible; that in a loving relationship each partner will hurt the other from time to time. This does not?'t mean you are a doormat, it means that you are able to rise above the behavior to see into the heart of the other person.

While you are going through these stages there are a few things to remember that will help you on the road to recovery as a couple.

  • Don't seek revenge. While it may seem like a short term solution, it will not help mend the relationship. Don't cheat because he cheated or try and humiliate him in public.
  • Seek to fix the cause. Work with him to get to the root of the cause. This must be fixed before you can move on as a couple.
  • Be sure the affair is over. He is going to have to earn your trust again. He must be completely transparent about the affair. You have the right to do what it takes to make sure the affair is over.
  • Don't forever use his infidelity as a weapon. He cheated, but if you truly want to heal as a couple you must not continue to use his cheating as a weapon in every argument. It is difficult to let the hurt go, but if you want to move on, you must.
  • Be a couple. You must go back to being a couple. Try starting over as you did in the beginning. Go on dates and activities that remind you why you became a couple in the first place. An effort has to be made to renew the love and affection.

If he has cheated and you want to move past the hurt and continue the relationship, there must be an open, honest dialog between both parties. If he is unable to be contrite and show his sorrow over hurting you, the relationship is over. Remember that one person can not hold a relationship together.

With hard work these obstacles can be overcome. It is possible to move on after he cheats.

Wayne Ansell

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