If your relationship has been marred because of cheating, all is not lost. Though rebuilding trust in relationships takes time, it is not impossible. Once you and your partner have decided that you truly want your relationship to work, you may be able to repair the relationship, as long as both of you are willing to put in the effort.
Reopen Lines of Communication
You want to make sure that you and your partner talk about how you feel. This conversation may feel like tearing open an old wound because you have to discuss the affair and its effects, but, if you pretend it never happened, you and your partner will not be able to move on.
You may feel hurt and betrayed, but don't forget to listen to what your partner has to say. Many communication problems in relationships can improve with a little listening. Give your partner a chance to explain the affair, even if it means they have to critique the relationship. People cheat because they often feel as if something is missing from or wrong with a relationship. At the same time, you shouldn't blame yourself for their choices.
The point of the conversation is to air out all the possible flaws in the relationship as it stands and then make a commitment to repair them. End the conversation by explaining what you want out of this relationship in the future, and ask your partner what they want as well. Are the goals of you and your partner in alignment? If not, you may want to change your mind about continuing in the relationship.
Though talking about the affair may be hard, it's better to do it as soon as possible, or the anger and pain may grow. Once you've talked about what happened, you can move forward with your life.
The Past Is the Past
After you've talked everything over and decided to work on the relationship, you may be tempted to bring up the infidelity in future arguments. This will not be productive. If you have decided to forgive your partner, make genuine attempts to move past the affair. Otherwise, you'll still feel pain from the betrayal, you won't be able to see the good things about your partner and your partner will always wonder if you will be able to trust them again.
In conversation, emphasize the future of your relationship, not the past. Be firm about your expectations and what will happen if another breach of trust occurs. Building trust after someone has cheated is never easy, and you need to make sure that you have realistic expectations.
"Counseling" Isn't a Dirty Word
You and your loved one may need a mediator when it comes to talking about the problems in your relationship and the cheating. Don't think of couples counseling as a sign of failure. A counselor can provide an unbiased opinion on the flaws in your relationship and can give you tips on how to handle potentially difficult situations.
Understand that just because you and your loved one need a push in the right direction, it doesn't mean that couples counseling needs to be long-term.
It's a Two-Way Street
You may feel as if the person who cheated has more to prove, but rebuilding a relationship is a partnership. The person who cheated will have to be on their best behavior, but you will also have to learn how to trust your partner again.
Part of building trust is spending time with your partner and rebuilding your relationship. If you and your partner spend quality time together, you will relearn how to communicate and how to trust one another, and you will remember why you came together in the first place.
One potential pitfall to such a reconciliation is returning to the scene of the crime. If you say that you forgive your loved one, be sure not to keep bringing up the affair. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If you want this relationship to work, you have to learn how to trust your partner. This means that every single time your partner goes out alone, you shouldn't call your friends, dress all in black and stalk him or her.
Trust Takes Time
Don't expect the affair to go away after one conversation or one counseling session. You might be able to repair several relationship problems, but you can't expect things to go back exactly to how they were at the beginning of your relationship or before the cheating. You will feel anxiety and stress, which are perfectly normal. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, but do not dwell on them.
Don't think that, just because you sometimes think about the affair, things are not moving forward. You may relive the experience from time to time, but, as long as you are focusing on the future, this is not an immediate sign of failure.
When to Let Go
The true test of whether or not a reconciliation attempt will work is to see how your habits have changed. If you and your partner fall into the same relationship habits and keep bringing up the affair, perhaps neither one of you can get over what happened. Likewise, if you find that your overall romantic goals have changed, you may need to rethink your relationship.
No relationship in the world is perfect.In most cases, these trials are easily worked through, but that is not the case when it becomes necessary to decide between surviving infidelity or ending the relationship. There are many things that need to be considered when choosing to continue with a marriage once a partner has cheated.
If you are trying to rebuild trust in marriage, learn how to get through or get over it.
Chances are, you never dreamed of a life as the other woman. However, this doesn't mean you are evil. Good people sometimes end up in this tricky position. If you're involved with someone who's married and cheating, you need to think about the goal of this relationship. After all, the fruits of this complicated situation had better outweigh the risks.