Can I reconcile my marriage? If you're asking yourself this question, you already know there is no easy answer. Every situation is different and the decision ultimately comes down to you and your spouse. If you both want to reconcile the marriage, and are willing to work hard for success, then the marriage can probably be saved.
There are some circumstances that work against the idea of reconciliation of a marriage. If there is abuse in the marriage, you need to leave the relationship. You can support the abuser in seeking therapy, but do not stay in the situation. If there are repeated infidelities in the marriage, you may have some hope of saving the relationship, but the chances are very slim.
To determine whether or not you want to reconcile your marriage, you and your spouse need to make some serious decisions. First of all, you both need to be sure there is still a spark of love left. Both of you also need to be sure that you can overcome or forgive whatever issues caused problems in the marriage. For example, if there was infidelity, will both parties be able to forgive and move on?
While you and your spouse are trying to decide if you should reconcile your marriage, you need to identify what your life goals are and determine if these goals match up for a life together. You need to decide what your priorities are and if they match up. You also need to make sure you both have effectively communicated your expectations to each other.
Marriage and Children
Despite what many religious institutions teach, children are not always a reason to reconcile a marriage. While they should always play a huge role in your choice, a marriage cannot succeed if the one and only reason you stayed together was for the children. There needs to be at least a glimmer of caring and affection between the couple for a marriage to work.
If the love, care and affection between you and your spouse is long dead, a life together will be sheer torture for everyone in the house, especially any children. The depression, anger and resentment will seep into daily life, making it a very unhappy home to be raised in. If all hope is truly lost, the children may be better off living with happy parents in two separate homes rather than miserable parents in one home.
If you decide it is possible to reconcile your marriage, it's vital that the two of you seek some form of marriage help. While a few couples may be able to fix things without help, the majority need a third person to act as a mediator and guide to repair problems. While self-help books and videos may provide some guidance, it's best to go to a licensed marriage counselor for couple's therapy. If you're on a tight budget, look for religious or community based organizations that offer counseling.
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