There is a 50 percent divorce rate in America. Every day, people wonder if it's truly worth it to stay in their marriage. Perhaps there is an ongoing fight. Perhaps you've been neglected. Or you've just grown tired. Whatever the case, many first marriages are followed by second marriage.
Many people see this as an opportunity to get a fresh start, to meet someone who fulfills their every need, someone who fits perfectly into their life and ultimately, their soul. But marrying someone who has been divorced once troubles many people. For many people, they don't fully get to know their spouse until they get married. After a matrimony of three months, they find themselves separated and facing a forthcoming divorce. Oftentimes, your spouse promises to change, but things remain the same, there is no improvements. This leads to criticism, and in many cases, outright abuse. Eventually, you realize that your happiness is tantamount and means more than an unhappy marriage--one filled with harsh words or abuse. After a while, you grow tired. You can't take your spouse's behavior anymore.
Jumping Back in the Dating Pool
Many moons later, after a divorce, you jump back into the dating pool. And before you know it, you find yourself in another relationship. Many people meet their next partner right away, and soon find themselves wanting to get married again. Entering into a second marriage can be difficult, especially when your partner and their family have questions. In many cases, your partner's relatives worry. And consequently, you do too.
Easing Your Partner's Fears
If you're divorced and your partner is not, take heart. There are a number of things you can do to ease your partner's and his family's fears. Talk about it. Avoid bringing up the subject of your divorce around your partner's family. However, you don't have to hide everything. If one of your partner's family members ask about your divorce, speak candidly. But don't go into too much detail. Instead, say something positive like, "Yes, I am divorced, but I truly care about your son. He is wonderful."
This shows that your attention is no longer on your ex spouse. It instead shows that your loyalty lies with your boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever your preference. It also shows that you have a positive outlook, and prefer not to dwell on the negative. Plus, you don't give away personal details about your marital past. Also, note facial expressions, when tackling the subject of divorce. If you detect skepticism, back off of the subject. Nonverbal communication is often more telling than verbal, so watcth body language closely. If you detect skepticism, avoid the subject of divorce completely. If his family does not ask about it, don't offer information. His family may be afraid, but they will eventually ask you to pen up; sometimes it just takes time.
The Key to Communication
If you're male partner has questions or reservations about your ability to commit, be open about it. Explain your reasons for divorcing, whether the divorce was initiated by you or your former spouse. This gets things out in the open. Plus, it helps you get closer to your partner, because they know more about your past. And it conveys honesty, which is the backbone of many successful relationships.
Things to Consider
Bear in mind that your partner may be fearful about your past, but do your best to assure him that you are genuine. Don't talk to much about your former marriage, as this can make it sound like you still love your ex spouse. Put these old feelings behind, and focus all your energy on your current relationship. However, don't hide your feelings for your current partner. Instead, lavish them with your love. Show them just how much you want to be with them.
Throw away old gifts your ex spouse gave you. Don't tell your future in laws about your ex. This can cause contention and raise concerns for your in-laws to be. Truth be told,you may never want to get married again. You may think your love life is over, because you're divorced. Then, after countless months and possibly years, you find yourself longing to marry your current partner. At that point, your love knows no bounds. In your heart, you know it's right. And nothing will stand in the way of your love.
In some cases, your second spouse to be has never been married before. In this case, you just put your former marriage behind you, and enjoy the wonderful person you've found. Whatever you do, bury past feelings about your first marriage. If you need to vent about it, talk to your girlfriends. Don't put this emotional burden on your spouse. What's in your past is done. Your second husband is your present and your future. Realize this, and be happy.
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