There are two schools of thought on whether wedding vows should be traditional or not for a second wedding. Some believe that the time-honored "dearly beloved" vows are meant only for a first marriage, given that most couples tend to promise not to part until death. Whether actual death or simply divorce opens the door to a second marriage, it is thought that entering into a second union requires a different set of promises, especially if a family is being blended. Others feel that for whatever reason the first marriage is no longer viable, the same sentiments still apply and that traditional is still appropriate.
Ultimately it is a very personal decision; neither course of action is wrong. Discuss with your future spouse what you want out of the ceremony. If you have children, it may influence your decision about traditional versus written vows. For instance, the traditional wedding vow focuses primarily on the couple themselves and makes no mention of the family they have or may have. Written vows give a couple the freedom to specify the promises they want to make not only to each other, but also each others children.
However, there is nothing wrong with choosing the traditional vows for a second wedding and involving the children in a different way. Depending on the limits of the religion in which you will be marrying, it is also a possibility to do both the traditional vows and then personal ones at the end that involves the family. Some people, even without a blended family to consider, choose non-traditional vows for their second wedding to represent that their marriage either isn't or can't be like the first one.
It is most important to discuss candidly with your future spouse which of these concepts is most important to you as a reflection of your marriage. Standing in public to declare your love and support for your spouse and their children, may be the perfect beginning to your union. Conversely, traditional vows that focus on you as a couple may be the perfect way for you to feel like you are really starting over or by showing that your commitment to your new family starts with the person standing next to you.
Whichever method you choose, the message will be the same. It is an opportunity to stand up and be grateful for love and the new life you are about to embark upon.
 | The rules for a first wedding are far more clear-cut than they are for a second marriage. Fortunately these days, marriage advice for the second go-around isn't as difficult to come by as it used to be. |
Fielding questions about a second marriages can be tricky if you don't anticipate both the awkward moments and most graceful responses. |
A second marriage isn't going to work if both parties aren't committed to seeing it through. If either of you have a previous marriage, there are going to be times when your past is going to affect how you react to an issue. Working through the problem and getting advice from a third party are the keys to handling these situations successfully. |
If it's the second marriage for both of you, you will now have to deal with one another's exes. This doesn't have to mean that you end up in scratching or screaming fights or that you have to spar on a regular basis, but it does mean that you should be prepared for what to expect when it comes to such interactions. |
Although the heart of the ceremony is the same, second wedding etiquette varies slighty from the rules of propriety for a first marriage. |
