With the increasing availability of both civil union and even marriage, many gay and lesbian couples are facing, for the first time, pressure to make their relationships official. But how do you know if you're ready for a civil union or if civil union is the right answer for you and your partner?
Communication with each other is critical when it comes to the civil union issue. Many gay and lesbian couples have never seriously discussed marriage or civil union because the prospect of its availability seemed so unlikely for so long. Many gays and lesbians also view marriage as a part of straight culture, and they may not feel a civil union or similar ceremony fits into their identity. Conversely, many gays and lesbians are uncomfortable with the idea of civil union because it is not called marriage and conveys fewer rights. It's important to find out what your partner thinks about civil union before popping the question.
When deciding if civil union is the best next step for your relationship, be sure you and your partner don't give in to outside pressure. Pressure from family and friends to enter into a civil union can be high. Many gay and lesbian couples find themselves rushing into ceremony planning before they are even sure a civil union is what's right for them. If you feel yourself leaning towards civil union more to appease those around you than for your own happiness, you and your partner should stop and re-examine your plans and goals; civil union may not be the right choice for you at this time.
Remember that while a civil union can be a celebration of you and your partner's love, choosing whether or not to enter into a civil union is not indicative of how much you care for each other. Be careful not to get caught up in the idea that civil union is a required affirmation of your affection.
Similarly, it's important not to get overwhelmed with the idea of having a civil union ceremony. It's the health and happiness of your relationship that matters, not a single day on which you choose to celebrate a civil union. The desire for a wedding day has long pushed many straight relationships towards marriage too quickly; don't fall into the same trap with your civil union.
If you do decide on civil union and a public ceremony to celebrate it, remember that you and your partner will have to endure the many challenges of wedding planning, including everything from guest lists to the blending of your personal religious traditions. Luckily, the gay and lesbian civil union business has been booming, and many professionals are out there to help you if that's the route you wish to go.
When making a decision on civil union, it is important that you understand the legal rights that go along with civil union in your jurisdiction. These can vary from state to state and have an impact on your tax filing, ability to adopt and legal protections you and your partner. You may need to consult a lawyer to make sure that your wishes are followed and covered by the law.
If you're planning on relocating soon, your civil union might not be recognized in your new area. It's important that you research the portability of your civil union or marriage before entering into one. Additionally, some jurisdictions have better laws about recognizing gay and lesbian marriages performed elsewhere. If you are planning to move into such a jurisdiction, you may want to research if marriage is a better option for you than civil union.
You and your partner should also discuss the possibility of marriage for gay and lesbians being legalized before you enter into a civil union. If marriage becomes available to you in the future, your civil union may well have to be dissolved, possibly at some expense, before you can marry.
If civil union isn't yet available where you live, you and your partner still have options. These include ceremonies in other jurisdictions that may become legal for you in time, non-legally binding commitment ceremonies and even domestic partnership, which is available in some local jurisdictions and provides a bare minimum of joint rights in regards to apartment leases and hospital visitation.
Certainly, even if civil union is not yet available to you and your partner, discussing the issue now will enable you to make a wise decision about such a commitment when the law changes where you live.
With so much in flux as regards civil union law in both the United States and abroad, even the most committed and marriage-minded couples may feel more comfortable waiting for the legal status of civil unions and gay and lesbian marriages to become more uniform and stable.
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